Thanks be to Allah

For giving me Youtube, so that I might at last find out the name of that stupid 80s miniseries that only lasted 7 shows that I have thought about endlessly since I was 6 years old...

Behold... The Phoenix. Remember this one?

At last...

No more swinging around those cheap plastic lightsabers and making that "zwooom, zwoooom" sound like the lightsaber kid. LucasArts unveiled Star Wars: The Force Unleashed for the Wii that will let players kick some ass by swingin' around the controllers. What would be a badass enhancement? If the game let you control the "force" without pressing any buttons, but rather Wiimote gestures alone...

Victoria Vox

We had the chance to meet a great musician through a friend over the past week - her name is Victoria Vox and just the fact that she plays the ukulele is awesome enough for me. Her sound is a cross between a female Jack Johnson with the voice of Emily Saliers from Indigo Girls. Have a listen and go see a show!

Canandaigua, NY

Panoramic view of the lake front of Canandaigua, New York.

Liveability

No shocker here. Top cities to live in based on crime, threat from instability or terrorism, and transportation/communications infrastructure are:

1. Vancouver
2. Melbourne
3. Vienna
4. Perth
5. Toronto
6. Adelaide
7. Sydney
8. Copenhagen
9. Geneva
10. Zurich

How did an island of outcasts manage to become a fantastic place to live? Why don't we have some Aussie invite me to come firsthand and investigate?

Link to report is here.

What jealousy looks like

1. Go to work in morning. Open browser. Go here.
2. Observe mid-afternoon revelry and note ambient air temperature here.
3. Look up, observe your cubicle surroundings, and realize you are still at work.
4. Go to bathroom, look in mirror. Behold: jealousy.
5. Splash your face with water, return to your cube, repeat in 3 hours.

JJ Abrams to direct King's Dark Tower

Let's just hope it doesn't get fucked up. This is a killer series and a great comic book. There's so much that could get messed up in the translation, I just don't know if I trust Abrams. Maybe Abrams' Star Trek XI will be an indication of what is to come. My preference? Get Peter Jackson!

Abrams to direct Stephen King's Dark Tower movie.

The beautifully-done (flash) Dark Tower website is here.

Wedding Site Visit

Just visited the B&B we will be having the wedding at and took a few pictures to have some Autostitch fun. Below are my shots looking towards the front and back - piloting the software.

Expectation setting: big white tents in 2nd photo will not be there.

Stay Indoors

From the I'm-lovin'-it-desk:

Notice to Russian citizens: stay indoors and play Barry White.

Van Halen Do-Over

Hazaa! The Gods have looked favorably on the alpha dog of the 80's rock band that helped launched an entire phalanx of hair bands. Van Halen has announced that they will reunite with David Lee Roth. Seriously. This time it's not a hoax. Well, at least according to the Internet. And everything you read on the Internet is seriously true. srsly.

ARC vs. JNJ

This has got to be one of the funnier lawsuits I've seen in a while. Although the Johnson and Johnson lawsuit against the Red Cross may have some legitimacy, it doesn't matter. The financial advances that they make in the short term (assuming they win the lawsuit) will do nothing for winning the hearts and minds of an entire generation who may associate their name and/or brand with a singular act that's been likened, in the blogosphere, to kicking puppies.

Take a page from the American Red Cross and what a single (legitimate) act, infamously known as the "coffee and donuts" issue, did to impact the opinions of an entire generation of WWII military personnel and families.

Link to Johnson and Johnson's Corporate Blog, JNJ BTW, is here.

Video of the Day

Crazy. Watch Christopher Walken roast a chicken with pears.

Time to go back to dot matrix...

From high school and even into college, one of the most comforting sounds was the screeching sound of my Apple Imagewriter II printer. From the long, soothing startup sound to the quick, jerky, almost giddy sound it made to indicate it was ready - the sounds emitted by the printer were probably the most comforting sounds I heard all through my education. Probably because it meant that I was done with writing a paper.

A new study shows that laser printers can emit microscopic toner particles during printing that are small enough to get into the lungs and cause as much damage as smoking. BS? You decide.

Article is here.

It has arrived...

Shirts. From Woot. This one's going to the link listing.

Dark Knight - Batman Begins Sequel

It looks like marketing for the sequel to Batman Begins has started. Not surprisingly it coincides with the ComicCon in San Diego.

Spooky 800 number and website: Why So Serious?. Call this number: 1-800-395-9646.

Crazy Baby Names

Babies to the left of me! Babies to the right of me! Amusing article passed my reader this morning on crazy baby names. My personal favorites:

• Fifi Trixibell
• Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily
• Jermajesty
• Moxie CrimeFighter

Walkable

Since my return to the US, I have tried to pursue a more walkable lifestyle. Primarily, it's taken the form of taking the BMW to work (Bus, Metro, Walk).

There's a new website that ranks your locale in terms of "walkability". It scores your neighborhood based on proximity to other amenities - restaurants, movie theaters, schools, etc. Although the addresses for non-US locations show up on the mashed Google map, the scoring is only available for US locations.

Check it out here.

Hiking the AT

A few months ago, we accompanied another couple on a hike on the Appalachian Trail. It was an exhausting, strenuous, but finitely rewarding experience. It was, in fact, the first time I had ever been on the trail.

We started by unloading our packs from our cars near Burkittsville, Maryland. You'll probably recognize the name of the town - it was made famous by a mediocre horror film, but it doesn't seem to have caved to the sellout nature of a lot of small towns suffering from the Hollywood effect. We hiked half a mile deeper into the rough and found a quaint cabin / campsite with primitive setups. We sprayed the DEET on like it was AXE body spray, then played the role of paranoid urbanites by rolling our pants into our socks (thank you ixodes scapularis).

The last time I really roughed it was when I was waiting on a desolate road outside of the town of Saou in France. It probably lasted all of 45 minutes. I was clearly out of my league.

We unloaded our stuff and rubbed our bellies for the first hour, trying to encourage our hastily-eaten Dominos pizza to digest and make way for the onslaught of GORP, beef jerky, and water that we would soon be subjecting our digestive tracts to.

We built a small fire and immediately got to drinking. We made our bunks in the rustic cabin and laid down to sleep, not knowing what hell was in store for us the next morning.

Waking up to a gloriously sunny morning, we returned our packs to the car and ventured up towards the AT. We made a wrong turn and eventually found ourselves in the middle of a steep ascent - when it was all said and done, we had risen 1000 vertical feet in .4 miles and lost somewhere around 5 pounds of water weight. The views from the vista were respectable, but didn't seem to do the effort justice. We got on the AT and hike another 11 miles into Harper's Ferry, West Virginia. We crossed through an area of forest infested with bark-eating caterpillars, endured a knee-busting downhill hike into town, then subjected ourselves to the tedium of walking 2 miles along a flat-ass path. My arthritic knees were not happy. The freakiest part? When our friends' never-ending barrel of energy golden lab laid down in the dirt from exhaustion. IN THE DIRT.

We made it back with our pride still in tact - enough for us to talk boastfully about our experience.

Flickr set is here.

Harry-est towns in America

Everyone with "I" in your Myers-Briggs in the states of Washington and Virginia unite! The cities with the most sales of the new Harry Potter book came from these two states, almost exclusively. Who the hell in lives in Katy, Texas? I thought that everyone in Texas grew up either playing football or cheerleading. I guess every team needs to have a marching band...

Witty Dialogue in 10,000 BC?

New trailer for a film has my snagged my interest - what language will people speak in the new film about life in 10,000 BC? If this is another ploy to get me to tune into that ludicrous idea of a sitcom about the GEICO cavemen, I'll just spit.

What else will be great? Seeing the VF version of the movie once it's translated into French. Heh.

Posts TBD

Coming up... posts from hiking the Appalachian Trail and spending a weekend at a friend's lakehouse on Smith Mountain Lake.

Overheard

Just found a great website called Overheard in New York. Reminds me of my experience shortly after coming back to the US of overhearing ridiculous conversations. Some of my favorites:

• Man: I just don't get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
• Woman: Ok, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.

• Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
• Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

• Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
• Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we're trying to eat over here.
• Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
• Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
• Middle-aged dad with kids: For God's sake, this is a family restaurant!
• Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.

• Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
• Younger woman: Yeah?
• Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn't know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
• Younger woman: It's not a burqa, it's a poncho. I'm Jewish. It's for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.

• Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
• Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

Playin' Around

Goofing around with new templates, layouts, and integration with new widgets. Forgive the mess...

I don't think these folks get it

I get one of these every week in my inbox at work. It's a notification for me to fill out my online timecard.

"This is an automated reminder, no replies necessary.

REMINDER: It is Friday and you have not created a timesheet for this week or previous week(s) listed below.

In order to avoid the Monday rush, please create a timesheet and release today.

Thank you."

WTF is "the Monday rush"? Is this like a run on the virtual bank?

Welcome to my world

Great screenshot from Dilbert - echoes the post that I had about having to rewrite nonsense for stakeholders that don't make decisions.

French and English LOOK different to babies

Babies can apparently tell the differences between people speaking English and French - AND when they change from one to another.

I could have told them that - it's all about THE LIPS. Shout out to my boy c-rock for that one.

Voice to Badmotherfucker

An article about an ex-Microsoftie who left to start a voice-to-text broadcast service got me thinking about the quality of the technology to date.

My concerns aren't necessarily that the new technology Jott is proposing wouldn't work if I was at a deskphone. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are enough code monkeys out there to get the technology pretty righteous. Like any good American, I daydream while I'm driving. For those of you in Mercedes or BMWs, this Jott thing (coupled with your yuppie Bluetooth Borgsets) is probably going to be the bomb. But when I'm in my windtunnel-sounding of a 1994 Toyota 4Runner on I-395, the background noise alone can make it sound like I'm hanging at Tao with 50 cent on a fight night.

This, in turn, led me to think back to when IM and AI chat was all the rage. I dug out my old bookmarks and refound Jabber - and the humorous AI site - Jabberwacky. I wanted to see how the AI would behave under unconventional - and stressful - conversational situations. Below is the cut-and-pasted excerpt from my conversation with Jabberwacky (JW):

• Me: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
• JW: It doesn't look like anything.
• Me: What country you from?
• JW: Neverland. Second star from the right and straight on till morning.
• Me: Neverland ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in Neverland?
• JW: That must be the only place left that does.
• Me: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
• JW: Emanikkuja (note to readers: this is Estonian for 'motherfucker')
  
• Me: Then you know what I'm saying!
• JW: Yes!
• Me: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
• JW: I don't know.
• Me: Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
• JW: Don't get all authoritarian with me!
• Me: Go on.
• JW: My middle name is Tabitha so use that okay?
• Me: Does he look like a bitch?
• JW: Remember my name please.
• Me: Tabitha, does he look like a bitch?
• JW: Does who look old?
• Me: Tabitha, does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?
• JW: I'm not into that kind of thing.
• Me: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Tabitha?
• JW: You think I'm a program.
• Me: Yes you are. Yes you are, Tabitha. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
• JW: You're right.

80's tennis kids' dream come true

Sampras vs. Courier in Greece. The lineup at the Outback Champions Series is like looking through your tennis scrapbook when you were in 4th grade - tattered pages ripped out of Tennis magazine and everything. Pat Cash, Richard Krajicek, Wayne Ferreira, Mats Wilander.

The one I'm REALLY waiting for? Rematch of Boris Becker vs. Stefan Edberg. Note to EA games - get off your asses and start catering to old fogies like me who want to see dream sports matchups in history. Stop with all this AI on the de la Hoya vs. Mayweather fight and tap into nostalgia bitches!

Private Equity to Chinese: "Prepare to be dressed uber-gay"

An article in today's WSJ told of private equiteers hunting down Valentino. This appears to be appealing to stakeholders mainly because they lack the capital to expand into new markets like Russia, India, and China. Valentino has majority ownership in Hugo Boss as well as super dorky Marlboro Classics.

In case you don't know what Marlboro Classics is, imagine an entire clothing line built around the concept of modern, casual western wear. Except designed by Europeans. Most of their clothing lines look like something off of the costume rack in a Firefly episode.

The "OMG That SUX" Picture of the Day

"Collaboration" on Document Editing = Rewrite It, Bitch

In developing the previously mentioned Decision Paper for a meeting I had set up with some VPs and the CIO at my company, my boss' boss requested that I "collaborate" with him on the development of the document. Little did I know that the word "collaboration" has become office slang for "I write up a bunch of issues with a paper you create and leave the editing and interpretation to you."

The exchange went something like this:

• Me: Please review this draft number 1.
• Bob: I have updates. Update a, b, and c. Can you get these into the document?
• Me: I have updated. Please review this draft number 2. Feel free to update within the document itself using change tracking.
  
• Bob: Looks good. I have some more updates: d, e, and f. We'll see how it all looks in the next iteration of the document. (Note to reader: for those of you that don't work in bureaucracies, corporate communication has become more akin to printing textbooks.)
• Me: I have updated. Please review this draft number 3. I have interpreted your grammatically-incorrect, half-complete, typographical error-prone sentences and updated the document, which you could have done yourself in the first place, since you are the only editor. Congratulations - you have effectively wasted half of my day.

Office Pools

I was just reading a blog entry about what office workers create betting pools on. The responses to the entry were:

• "O.J. Trial"
• "Lottery"
• "Births (Baby Pools)"
• "Survivor"
• "Pick a winner on Survivor, Pregnancy Pool, just about anything"
• "Lottery"

I laughed at how innocent the entries seemed to be. At my company, the pools are more like:

• Number of weeks until the C-(insert your own C-level executive) resigns
• Mean time between organizational direction shifts
• Date of the next angry employee resignation letter sent to bcc: "Entire Freaking Company"
• Number of degrees of (hierarchical) separation between you and the CEO (highest # wins at end of the year)
• Mean number of emails sent daily
  
• Highest number of emails marked "unread" at end of year

I've also started to think about starting a global bingo game where employees would send $5 daily through PayPal to a server in Jamaica. The game would consist of a 5x5 square, populated with random events as predicted a week in the future. For example, some squares might include:

• Stock market breaks 15,000
• New York Times front-page headline uses word "Iraq"
• Apple announces layoffs
• Hillary Clinton announces she did not have sexual relations with Obama

The squares would be randomized and auto-populated based on events during the day. Winners would be paid the payout, divided evenly by the number of winners. The squares would change daily and any pot not claimed would be rolled over into the next day (minus daily maintenance fees, of course). There could also be a last-minute buy-in where users who are only waiting on 1 square to claim "bingo" could buy a new (randomized) square if they are doubtful their square will happen.

If you can't find me in the next few years, look for me in Zihuatanejo, sanding a boat, and looking very tan.

You know when you're in a bureaucracy when...

You have a Word template for something called a "Decision Paper". These documents need to be submitted in advance of the meeting you are about to have, or else the meeting doesn't happen. Here is the body of the document:

DECISION PAPER TEMPLATE

---

DIVISION/UNIT

DATE

FOR

SUBJECT:

PURPOSE: In one precise sentence, state the issue or problem being addressed and what you want the decision maker to do.

RECOMMENDATION: What decision is wanted or required? Quantify dollars, resource levels (internal and external), and equipment, if involved. Clearly state desired decision.

ASSUMPTIONS:

a. State assumptions, i.e., it is assumed that current funding levels will remain constant.

b. If there are no assumptions, state, "none."

BACKGROUND: Provide a brief background of the issue or problem. Describe the situation requiring a decision, and explain why the specific recommendation was chosen. Include the current status of the issue or problem.

RATIONALE FOR RECOMMENDATION: The assumptions, if any and facts should support the recommendation

IMPACT OF SUCCESS OR FAILURE: State the results of putting and not putting the recommendation into action.

COORDINATION: If coordination is not required, state, "not required." Write the name and organization of the person with whom coordination was made, the date, and whether there was concurrence or nonconcurrence of the recommendation.

APPROVED ___ DISAPPROVED ___ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION REQUIRED ___

Dumbest Yahoo Questions Posting EVER

Did you know this?

Anyone remember Yannick Noah? I sure do. Tennis player extraordinaire. But big-time French singer?! I have to seriously get with the times.

A Tennis McBLT

What sports enthusiast hasn't wondered if they could pair two great sports legends - in their own respective environments - against each other? Here's a recap from an amusing Rafael Nadal vs. Roger Federer half clay-half grass exhibition tennis match.

Up next:

• Australian cricket team vs. Arizona Wildcat Women's Softball
• New York Rangers vs. Gotham Girls
• New Zealand All Blacks vs. Tipp City, Ohio 3rd Grade Pee Wee Football Squad
  

If you're in the US today, go get a comic book

Today is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY. Go out and restart someone's interest in comics and graphic novels - including yourself! I had forgotten how enjoyable well-drawn comics were until I was in B. Dalton looking for birthday cards and spotted a copy of the Superman: Emperor Joker graphic novel and began flipping through it.

The quality of drawing in comics and graphic novels these days is a quantum leap compared to the grainy, heavy-outlined figures from my brother's tattered copy of the first XMen that I grew up flipping through (BTW, whatever happened to that random snowball-throwing X-Men?). Even movies these days are taking visual queues from graphic novels - take the recent spate of Alan Moore and Frank Miller movies including V for Vendetta, 300, and Sin City.

Do yourself and a favor and get a free comic. While you're at it, buy one too.

LOLTrek

This has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a while. This is the episode of "Trouble with Tribbles" adapted to be in the LOLcat method.

How do these guys get away with this?

In China, there's an entire Bizarro Disneyland, complete with Daffy, Minnie, and Mickey. The Chinese claim that the Minnie and Mickey lookalikes are actually "cats" with "large ears". Checking out this guy's blog entry made me think of my beloved Mike Wong's in Geneva.

Total Randomness

Mr. Fastfinger at the Guitarshredshow

Captain America Strikes Again

A doctor was arrested for assaulting a woman while he was dressed up as Captain America. In his possession at the time of his arrest was a LARGE BURRITO AND A MARIJUANA JOINT. This falls under the "Dude, WTF?" headline.

Of MILFs and Men

Since when did the word MILF become socially acceptable to say? In fact, it's become downright hip and fashionable. Great article in New York Magazine.

US Obesity causes

Great article in NYT about causes of obesity in the US.

Musings from a VA boy in China

Check out my boy's blog while he's in China here.

For those of you outside of the Chinese censor's grasp, click here for a listing of blogs on China. For a few giggles, try reading the Midwesterner in the Middle Kingdom.

Air McFlys

I know I haven't posted in a while and I feel guilty about posting about something so terribly mundane, but I can't resist!

There are underground reports of Nike releasing the shoes that were in Back to the Future - the auto-lace/light up shoes. BADASS. Where do I sign up?

Does anybody still watch this guy?

O'Reilly going off the hook on Geraldo. Ridiculous.

Swiss Gone Wild

So I guess Swiss folks do go a bit crazy. This guy got put away for 10 years for defacing a poster. Holy crap. The authorities from Berne decided not to intervene. Gee, you think? The Swiss are excellent non-interveners.

Fool me twice...

Whoa. Canas takes the cake from Federer two times in a ROW? What is going on here?

Appomattox, VA

We are planning to have our wedding miles from where the war of Northern aggression (ahem) ended. Pictures from Spring Grove Farm in Appomattox, VA are here. BTW, the date is 06/07/08. Try to forget that.

33% of DC Functionally Illiterate

Compared to the national average of 21%, the illiteracy rate in DC is closer to 33%. Functional illiteracy is qualified as not being able to understand thing like a bus schedule or fill out a job application.

Ridiculous when you think that across the Potomac in Arlington, Virginia you have the 82.5% of the population who has attended at least 1 year of college. The population of Arlington is 185,000 and the total functionally illiterate population in DC is 170,000. Wow, eh?

Something really sad? Really really sad? Reported literacy in Switzerland is 99%. You saw that coming.

Can anything phase this guy?

Roger Federer lost his match at Indian Wells (7-5, 6-2) against the relative unknown Guillero Canas (who was returning to the sport after an 18-month doping ban). The dude was well on his way to breaking the 46-game winning record of Guillermo Vilas.

Canas, an Argentinian, injured his wrist in 2000 (ranked 227th) and returned in 2001 to ascend to 15th place. In a YEAR. Hmmm. He gets booted for doping in 2004 (surprise?) and returns in September of 2006 to come back and beat the Fed. Talk about a shitty way to go. The storyline doesn't even sound plausible. It almost sounds like that ridiculous General Hospital plotline where Casey Rogers was actually an alien from the planet Lumina. WTF? Where was Nadal? Where was Roddick?

And, like the son of Calvin he is, the Fed says "Sooner or later it had to happen, so it's OK. It's no problem."

John McEnroe, we miss you. Please break something.

Euro bed plan, here we come!

According to a NYTimes article, 60% of homes will have dual master bedrooms 2015, underscoring a new trend for married Americans to sleep in separate beds. Maybe the Europeans knew what they were talking about - separate beds, same room. Make the whole thing mechanical and you could still get some nookie, press a button, and hog the entire half of your own bed all night. Win-win baby, win-win.

Google iPhone killer?

Some VC posted something about a team of 100 people working on an iPhone-killer Googlephone. Is it 2 legit 2 quit?

Firefly Fix

For those of you that miss the Joss Whedon serial Firefly, there is still a glimmer of hope. Whedon announced that he will be coming out with a comic book series that will take place before the Serenity movie, but after the original Firefly episodes.

If you have no idea what Firefly is, get some education. And learn some Chinese.

Welcome to the Tardiness Support Group, America

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this post on ABC. It's amusing for a number of reasons:

• Who the fuck calls late people "punctually-challenged"? It's almost like Microsoft has built in a euphemizer into MS Word.
• I love how the press love to paint a picture of a "punctually-challenged" person as a victim of some chronic disease and associate it with anxiety. Is there going to be a pill for this one too? I can almost picture the 1am informercial...
• Why don't they mention the fact that some people don't care? I think since my return to the US, I've been the first person or on time to meetings for around 10% of my meetings.
• Note that the article doesn't mention other countries. Try having a meeting on time in Italy, for God's sake. Or at 1pm in Switzerland. Good luck.

Swiss, Kicking Green Ass Again

A Migros store in Switzerland has become the first store to fully light the store with light emitting diodes (LED).

In 2005, the Department of Energy has estimated that LED lighting could cut national energy consumption for lighting in the US by 29% by 2025. The total savings on U.S. household electric bills until then would be $125 billion.

Keep an eye on the renamed GE LED unit and their partnership with Nichia. What's cool? Nichia has developed a UV LED.

Boulder, Colorado

Boulder is one of those cities where you give way to your inner hippie, but need to remember to zip your American Express into your wicking hiking shorts. The city would be a wicked imitation of an urbanized European alpine town if there weren't so many damn California license plates and pickup trucks. Nontheless, you can have a pretty good time in Boulder and I find that my heart rate seems to drop a bit when you can see a treeless horizon. A few notes:

• Hotel Boulderado. If you can afford it or paying with the corporate plastic, a rockin' place in the heart of downtown with a great Wednesday night music.
• Aji on Pearl Street. A great Latin restaurant with killer steak. Highly recommend the Filet of the House.
• Fat Tire. Okay, so not really Boulder, but Colorado nonetheless.
  
• Berthoud. I can't explain my fascination with this town - maybe because it has one of the few A&Ws that know of. Berthoud is a tiny little town that used to be on the main drag between Loveland and Boulder. Thanks to city planning, the major road (CO 287) is routed around it.
  
• Boulder Baked Cookies. During a pre-college summer session at CU, I learned how to climb the outside of Farrand Hall to get into the unoccupied killer apartments on the top floor, sneak kegs into dorms, and eat cookies at 1am. Boulder Baked Cookies has a service that runs from 6pm to 1am and delivers hot, fresh cookies to you with milk. You can't beat it and, for the life of me, I have no idea why no other college cities don't have these.
• Getting a kick out of the house costs for a 4BR 2.5BA house in Boulder that sold for $2.1M.
  
• My one regret? Missing the John Butler Trio at the Fox.
  

How to be famous in Switzerland

• Have headshots made up
• Purchase Adobe Photoshop and mock up an advertisement
  
• Modify shots and slap a Gucci brand on it
• Contact Swiss newspaper to run ads
  
• Have newspaper send bill to Gucci
• Move to Sweden and gloat to your friends

Winner of the Un-PC Award

Overheard on a crowded DC (mixed population) bus:

• White 20something woman: "I don't know why Luke applied to Howard (University) law school. I told him that it might be a stigma on his resume and all."
• Responder: (Obviously asking the question we are all asking ourselves right now).
• White 20something woman: "Well, you know - employers might think he's black or something and wouldn't want to hire you."

And these are the same Coach-bag wearing, macchiato-drinking yuppies that wonder why racism is getting worse.

Mea culpa y'all

The state of Virginia just issued a formal apology for enslaving millions of Africans and exploiting Native Americans. They are apparently using the same PR firm that the Vatican hired for apologies. Galileo was unreachable for comment.

Now we know why Swiss cheese is so damn good...

Switzerland's Agriculture Ministry has called on the country's farmers to stop feeding their cows cannabis. Swiss farmers consider the crop a cheap and easy to grow plant for their cows. They believe that THC "makes cows happy and produce more milk".

Goats in Switzerland were unavailable for comment but overheard to say, "Freakin' hippies."

Americans Hate Money

Large bills, that is. I presented a $100 bill to a 7-Eleven clerk and almost had to call 911 because I thought she might flip out. She was looking at the bill like it was foreign currency and didn't compute. It's something that the Swiss don't seem to blink at - the presentation of god-awfully large bills that force the clerks to use up the entire till's worth of change.

Fist Bumpin' with the Oldies

Since when did the fist-bump become so ubiquitous that elderly immigrant men started doing it? I just got a fist bump from the 68-year old Lebanese guy that runs the cafeteria in my building. I know that Budweiser mocked it during the Superbowl, but aw hell - it's just plain awkward now.

Celebrating the One Year

Today, February 16, I am celebrating the one-year anniversary of traveling to the land of milk and cheese. With that in mind, I proclaim February 16 as Fondue Day. So go get your beat-ass wedding registry fondue set out of storage, get some gruyere, and cheese it out.

It sucks to be a kid in the US

American and British youngsters have a more troublesome childhood than their European counterparts, according to a United Nations study presented in Berlin on Wednesday. They're poorer, get on worse with their parents and take more risks. In comparison with children living in other rich countries, those growing up in the USA and the UK have the lowest quality of life, the study says.

Drinking baby in Ireland was unavailable for comment.

They are among us

The number of the Swiss living abroad is growing constantly and now exceeds 645,000, the foreign ministry revealed on Thursday. If the guy next to you on the metro offers you his seat, he just might be Swiss.

Bootstrapper Bat-Utility Belt

Entrepreneur? Great post on web apps that can help you out here. Mind the "fad"-y appeal to a lot of these sites (e.g., LinkedIn), but lots of good tools nonetheless.

Bad Ass GUI

Remember that random video from a TED conference presenting a wicked touch-screen GUI? Well, it looks like they've modded it into a fully-functional user interface. Take a look here.

Cowboy Up

Trying to get back on the horse is hard as hell. After beating up myself over having ignored my beloved Bonheursuisse like a new puppy a week after Christmas, I've undertaken a personal challenge to keep this site alive and quasi-interesting. I'll attempt to post at least an interesting comment or link once every other day. Humor might be spartan. Just have to warn you.

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2007!

Happy new year!

It's all about US

Scanning the radio and TV is a frustrating exercise in Virginia. The most striking thing is that all of the stories are purely focused on domestic issues - inane issues at that. A sampling of issues that have won the headlines in the US:

• Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump on the handling of the Miss USA drunkenness scandal.
  
• Deep fried turkey party causes labor dispute at Dulles International Airport.

Admittedly, Geneva had its share of inane issues that seem to still be smoldering, but for the most part, the majority of coverage seems to be on international issues that tend to be more weighty. A recent notable exception is on SwissInfo and covers the Swiss Navy. Yes. Swiss Navy. Play the video for Miami Vice lushiousness.

One month report card

It's been a little over one month since my return to the states, and it's time for a checkup.

Returning to work.............................F
Being back with my honey.................A+
Traffic jams....................................D
American coffee...............................C
American "baguette".........................D
Getting a king sized bed....................A
Being subjected to "Greys Anatomy"....C-
New versions of "Family Guy".............B+
Looking forward to TV shows.............F
Reading Le Matin online jealously........B
Eating Hersheys..............................C

Something you won't see around the DC beltway

Crazy video of ski-paragliding down the Eiger in Switzerland.

Most Annoying Questions, Ever

It's hard to tell, with Americans, earnest curiousity from polite courteousness. Upon seeing some friends or colleagues for the first time in months, it seems that not enough thought is put into assembling thought-provoking questions. Here are the top three most annoying questions:

• "How was it?"
• This is so fantastically open-ended, it's hard to know where to start. My responses have ranged from "awesome" to "a great growth experience". My selection of response usually depends on how jealous or upset the person will become if I were to say, "That trip was so crunk that even Snoop Dogg is going to be talking about missing out for years to come."
  
• "Did you have a great time?"
• "No. Terrible. Tan and weight loss do not suit me. I am elated to be back on soil of Glorious Leader Bush."
  
• "How was Sweden?
  

Democrats in da Hiz-ouse

On Nov. 7, I dragged myself out of work and to the polling stations to cast my vote in, among other races, the Virginia Senatorial race between George Allen and Jim Webb.

I'm proud enough to say that my vote was, hopefully, one of the 7200 votes that separated the winning Webb (D) from our good buddy George Macaca Allen (R).

Post Travel Bed-Bound Blues

I'm sick. Two days ago, my throat felt like it went on vacation and left a small wolverine as its substitute. Today, the wolverine has chosen to lodge itself behind my left tonsil. Just about every swallow is painful.

According to Duke Health, the chance of illness for a one-month international trip is 60-70%. Since I caught two colds back to back upon arriving in Geneva, I thought I had paid my dues. Not so lucky.

I am really lacking the ability to be objective about my experiences back in US since everything is tainted by my general grumpiness about being sick. It's like seeing things through puke-colored glasses.

Adjusting to the lifestyle of the car is something that I still am terribly remorseful about. Although I remember sweating and complaining to myself in those first few weeks in Switzerland, the bus / walk lifestyle is more rewarding. Sitting in a 3-5 mile stretch of gridlock on 395, I started to think back to the "traffic jams" in downtown Geneva that usually stretched for 3-5 blocks and almost pulled to the shoulder and walked home.

For the first week back, I have to say that the increased dependency on cars is the first thing I noticed.

The Replacement

During the heavy losses in WWII, replacements were brought in to fill the gaps in the squads. The situation that I find myself in is no different.

I'm witnessing the slow defeat of our IT division through the grinding, often agonizing reorganization that they've been undergoing for the past eight months (while I have been abroad). The reorg has ground down some of the most experienced and talented minds that kept the organization running - and we are starting to lose them. The story is nothing unique to other organizations that have underwent terrible reorgs.

It's tough being the fresh-faced quasi-noob, newly off the plane from Switzerland and placed in a squadron of grizzled veterans who have seen hell. The reorg, by all accounts, has not been successful and it isn't nearly complete. The conversations I've had with all of my old colleagues has reminded me of a paradox that I learned of in project management training.

The Abilene Paradox is a paradox in which the limits of a particular situation force a group of people to act in a way that is directly the opposite of their actual preferences. It is a phenomenon that occurs when groups continue with misguided activities which no group member desires because no member is willing to raise objections. The reorganization, despite quiet objections from small groups of holdouts in the department, has become an example of the Abilene Paradox.

Being the fresh-face, I'm trying to keep my head low, learn what happened from the vets, and see if there's a way for all of us to get out of this war.

Back in the saddle

I'm three days new to this awkward timezone and still don't feel like I'm any where near getting adjusted. Jumping right back into work is also something that I don't really recommend to anyone not prepared to deal with the onslaught of curious coworkers who are the equivalent of stick-wielding children at the zoo.

The flight itself wasn't terrible, with the notable exception of being treated like a shiv-carrying prisoner at the Frankfurt airport. I did everything except the cheek-spread, sack-lift in that freaking airport security line.

What is the hardest, most immediate adjustment for me in the past 3 days? It's that I'm back behind the wheel of a wheeled, armored beast, standing in traffic and losing 30-40 minute stretches of my life as I scan the airwaves for something other than talk radio and smooth jazz. Coworkers look different, work seems to have become twice as stressful for them, and everyone I see has an air of pessimism about them. The upside for them? At least they can now stress out in casual clothing rather than business casual.