It's all about US

Scanning the radio and TV is a frustrating exercise in Virginia. The most striking thing is that all of the stories are purely focused on domestic issues - inane issues at that. A sampling of issues that have won the headlines in the US:

• Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump on the handling of the Miss USA drunkenness scandal.
  
• Deep fried turkey party causes labor dispute at Dulles International Airport.

Admittedly, Geneva had its share of inane issues that seem to still be smoldering, but for the most part, the majority of coverage seems to be on international issues that tend to be more weighty. A recent notable exception is on SwissInfo and covers the Swiss Navy. Yes. Swiss Navy. Play the video for Miami Vice lushiousness.

One month report card

It's been a little over one month since my return to the states, and it's time for a checkup.

Returning to work.............................F
Being back with my honey.................A+
Traffic jams....................................D
American coffee...............................C
American "baguette".........................D
Getting a king sized bed....................A
Being subjected to "Greys Anatomy"....C-
New versions of "Family Guy".............B+
Looking forward to TV shows.............F
Reading Le Matin online jealously........B
Eating Hersheys..............................C

Something you won't see around the DC beltway

Crazy video of ski-paragliding down the Eiger in Switzerland.

Most Annoying Questions, Ever

It's hard to tell, with Americans, earnest curiousity from polite courteousness. Upon seeing some friends or colleagues for the first time in months, it seems that not enough thought is put into assembling thought-provoking questions. Here are the top three most annoying questions:

• "How was it?"
• This is so fantastically open-ended, it's hard to know where to start. My responses have ranged from "awesome" to "a great growth experience". My selection of response usually depends on how jealous or upset the person will become if I were to say, "That trip was so crunk that even Snoop Dogg is going to be talking about missing out for years to come."
  
• "Did you have a great time?"
• "No. Terrible. Tan and weight loss do not suit me. I am elated to be back on soil of Glorious Leader Bush."
  
• "How was Sweden?
  

Democrats in da Hiz-ouse

On Nov. 7, I dragged myself out of work and to the polling stations to cast my vote in, among other races, the Virginia Senatorial race between George Allen and Jim Webb.

I'm proud enough to say that my vote was, hopefully, one of the 7200 votes that separated the winning Webb (D) from our good buddy George Macaca Allen (R).

Post Travel Bed-Bound Blues

I'm sick. Two days ago, my throat felt like it went on vacation and left a small wolverine as its substitute. Today, the wolverine has chosen to lodge itself behind my left tonsil. Just about every swallow is painful.

According to Duke Health, the chance of illness for a one-month international trip is 60-70%. Since I caught two colds back to back upon arriving in Geneva, I thought I had paid my dues. Not so lucky.

I am really lacking the ability to be objective about my experiences back in US since everything is tainted by my general grumpiness about being sick. It's like seeing things through puke-colored glasses.

Adjusting to the lifestyle of the car is something that I still am terribly remorseful about. Although I remember sweating and complaining to myself in those first few weeks in Switzerland, the bus / walk lifestyle is more rewarding. Sitting in a 3-5 mile stretch of gridlock on 395, I started to think back to the "traffic jams" in downtown Geneva that usually stretched for 3-5 blocks and almost pulled to the shoulder and walked home.

For the first week back, I have to say that the increased dependency on cars is the first thing I noticed.

The Replacement

During the heavy losses in WWII, replacements were brought in to fill the gaps in the squads. The situation that I find myself in is no different.

I'm witnessing the slow defeat of our IT division through the grinding, often agonizing reorganization that they've been undergoing for the past eight months (while I have been abroad). The reorg has ground down some of the most experienced and talented minds that kept the organization running - and we are starting to lose them. The story is nothing unique to other organizations that have underwent terrible reorgs.

It's tough being the fresh-faced quasi-noob, newly off the plane from Switzerland and placed in a squadron of grizzled veterans who have seen hell. The reorg, by all accounts, has not been successful and it isn't nearly complete. The conversations I've had with all of my old colleagues has reminded me of a paradox that I learned of in project management training.

The Abilene Paradox is a paradox in which the limits of a particular situation force a group of people to act in a way that is directly the opposite of their actual preferences. It is a phenomenon that occurs when groups continue with misguided activities which no group member desires because no member is willing to raise objections. The reorganization, despite quiet objections from small groups of holdouts in the department, has become an example of the Abilene Paradox.

Being the fresh-face, I'm trying to keep my head low, learn what happened from the vets, and see if there's a way for all of us to get out of this war.

Back in the saddle

I'm three days new to this awkward timezone and still don't feel like I'm any where near getting adjusted. Jumping right back into work is also something that I don't really recommend to anyone not prepared to deal with the onslaught of curious coworkers who are the equivalent of stick-wielding children at the zoo.

The flight itself wasn't terrible, with the notable exception of being treated like a shiv-carrying prisoner at the Frankfurt airport. I did everything except the cheek-spread, sack-lift in that freaking airport security line.

What is the hardest, most immediate adjustment for me in the past 3 days? It's that I'm back behind the wheel of a wheeled, armored beast, standing in traffic and losing 30-40 minute stretches of my life as I scan the airwaves for something other than talk radio and smooth jazz. Coworkers look different, work seems to have become twice as stressful for them, and everyone I see has an air of pessimism about them. The upside for them? At least they can now stress out in casual clothing rather than business casual.

Send Me on My Way

The leaves are starting to fall and the colors have already started to change in the Alps. The temperature is planned to drop from 17 C (62 F) today, 11 C (51 F) tomorrow, and end the week at 7 C (44 F). It's time to go. Time to go home.

Not that any ending is truly an ending. Like Orson Wells (that dirty old man) said, "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." And I believe, like a few of my readers, that the this story is far from ending.

For the next few months, I will attempt to document my firey re-entry into the American culture, complete with all the difficulties of reintegration, culture, and dearth of creative gastronomic outlets.

For those of you who think I have jumped the shark, you will be refunded your money at the end of this blog entry. Oh wait, that's right, you're reading this for your own edification. Let me edify you some more then: the story goes on bitches.

I'm trying to learn from the lessons of other bloggers in similar situations. Daniel Ginsberg from Boston documented his struggles with American culture upon returning from Serbia earlier this year. What about lacki from New Jersey who blogs about how she hates the lack of the chill-ness of American culture vs. the Porteugese.

Best recollecting moment from an American on their experience abroad:

"I'm sure this happens to you a lot - you're maneuvering your manure cart down a cobblestone road when all of a sudden you realize that you've gone thirty minutes without praying. Now what? Unfortunately, it's too late for you, and your soul will burn in the fires of hell for the rest of your eternally damned afterlife. But, you should still stop by one of the local Jesus Boxes just to show your face. The little villages in Portugal are filled with Jesus Boxes, which are, as the name implies, large stone boxes filled to the brim with Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of them, and chances are you'll be struck dead by holy lightning if one of the creepy Jesus mannequins catches you swinging dead cats on a day of worship."

See you all on the flipside.

Soundtrack of the Day:

Send Me on My Way. Rusted Root.

Movie of the Day

Smartest Guys in the Room. Great cautionary tale to CEOs. Interestingly enough, an awesome soundtrack too.

Global Bird Flu Epidemic = Move to Switzerland

Swiss government approves the purchasing of 7.4 M doses of bird flu vaccine - enough to vaccinate the entire Swiss population.

Nowhere but Switzerland

So Nestle tried to repackage one of their brands, Callier, to make it sexier. Here's an article in swissinfo.ch that I find remarkable for a few reasons:

• The CEO has cancer and Nestle expects her to come back and turnaround operations on the failing brand.
• A Swiss supermarket chain decided to stop stocking Callier because of the price increases.
• Complaints about the packaging having too much unrecyclable content were noticed.

Why European Best Westerns Aren't Synonymous with Plastic Ice Buckets

THE FOLLOWING IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT*

Through my travels over the past 8 months, I've noted that going to a Best Western in Prague is not the same as visiting the BW Hitching Post Inn in Cheyenne, Wyoming. In fact, most Best Westerns in Europe seem to exceed the standards that I've come to expect from the world's largest buyer of plastic ice buckets, cellophane-wrapped plastic cups, and bolted-down TV remote controls.

BW's European growth plan is centered on a simple idea: buy independently-owned hotels in good target locations and gateways that seek brand affiliation. In my experience with the hotels in Europe, it's worked. In the end, you get a good hotel room in a great location for an okay price. Leveraging services like online booking also kicks the pants off of other European competitors who are slow to adopt Internet standards.

* However, anyone can feel free to pay me at any time.

Idea of the Day

Choose Your Own Adventure: Podcast Web 2.0 Remix

• Each story starts with a podcast "stub" that is a small intro to a story, posted online. Users can also propose their own "stubs".
• Users post a podcast response to the stub, where the subject heading is a decision that the reader must make. For example: "To go down the unlit stairwell, click here." The story would continue and the user would record their own story lines and plot twists. For example: "After walking down the unlit stairwell, you open the door that leads to a gigantic underground repository for Hugh Hefner's Viagara stash..."
• Users can continue to post altnerate decisions to the original stub or add a new "chapter" to an existing podcast response. A visual "tree" diagram would allow users to see new postings and decision points.
• Users would vote on story "threads" (i.e., a string of podcast responses from various users strung together) and individual podcasts.

Swiss Mental Illness: Underreported?

Call it a hunch, but I think that the number of mentally ill people in Switzerland is underreported. Maybe its a combination of culture and social tolerance of odd behavior. Then again, maybe it was just the urine stench coming from the guy next to me on the bus.

Bern, Switzerland - YouTube Comments Remix

SwissDeutsch112 (Last week)
Bern is like a Swiss city middle child: not cool enough to be Zurich, not enough hotties to be Lausanne, and not enough brainy ex pats to be Geneva.

<3tomcruise<3 (2 weeks ago)
On Saturdays, check out the "stress tests" that are offered by the Scientology tents in the Baernplatz Farmer's Market. Just knowing that L. Ron Hubbard can reach beyond Southern California is stressful.

WokWhacker (3 weeks ago)
OMG, did anyone check out the totally hot chicks outside of Lorinzini's or Liquid? Who came up with the name Kornhaus or Rathaus anyways?

PamAnderson3 (4 weeks ago)
I will flash you if you let those bears out of that damn pit!

Flickr pics are here.

The World is Flat and Stressed Out

Contrary to what many companies may think, a stressed out worker is a less productive worker. And it's costing American business billions. The cost of stress to American business is staggering, with estimates ranging from $80 billion to $150 billion annually. Stress causes illnesses, absenteeism, diminished productivity, accidents, mistakes, job dissatisfaction, burnout, high turnover, and soaring health insurance premiums. Link to October 22, 2006 article here.

Americans aren't the only ones. Workers around the world are feeling the crunch. But there does seem to be a vacation : stress correlation as pointed out in the Grant-Thornton paper. In Asia, they're calling it a stress "epidemic".

Although Europeans also saw a stress increase in 2005, they're nowhere near as stressed as the Asian countries.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: American Foreign Policy Defense

On more than one occasion, I've found myself in the middle of heated or mildly uncomfortable discussions about American foreign policy. These conversations are sometimes played out by the Swiss (or ex pats) in a good cop / bad cop routine. Through a bit of trial-and-error, I've found a way to steer the conversation topic towards a subject that most people in Geneva all agree on: that Geneva is a great place to live.

Now there is "objective" research that's been done on this, but no where is it more apparent than when you get any large-ish group of people together. Like a faint din that crescendos into a trumpet blaring in your ear, you can almost predict that at some point in the conversation people will begin to coo in unison about how wonderful the city is - almost like some strange group orgy with verbal rubbing.

Use my trick to shift any uncomfortable conversation topic towards a well-agreed topic. I've inserted xml tags for added effect (here replaced by the [] brackets thanks to Blogger).

• Inquisitor 1: "What do you think about George Bush?"
• Ben: [sweat][fidget]
• Inquisitor 2: "That's not very fair question."
• Ben: [/sweat][/fidget][skeptically look at person]
• Inquisitor 2: "What do you think about the war for oil, global warming, or the North Korean situation?"
• Ben: [crap][run script src = Phil Hartman's Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer] "I'm just an IT geek. American foreign policy frightens and confuses me! Sometimes all the news coverage on global warming makes me want to get out of my SUV and run off into the hills. My IT-oriented mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like me comes to Geneva, you can't help but admire this city for being so clean, close to nature and the Alps, and all within a few minutes flight of the most stunning cities in Western Europe." [/crap][begin nervous shifty eyes]
• Inquisitor 1: "Ben's words are true. I love Geneva."
• Inquisitor 2: "Yes. We all love Geneva. Let's have another drink."

Swiss Made

Synonymous with quality and reliability, the “Swiss Made” label is a much sought-after label in watchmaking. The official definition of its use actually allows some watches to be sold as “Swiss,” when they are actually not completely so. How, you ask?

In 1992, a modified ordinance defined the usage of the "Swiss", "Swiss Made", and "Made in Switzerland" designations. A watch is considered Swiss if:

• the movement is Swiss (see below);
• the movement is fitted in Switzerland; and
• the final manufacturing control takes place in Switzerland

A movement is considered Swiss if:

• it is assembled in Switzerland;
• controlled by the manufacturer in Switzerland; and
• at least 50% of the value of its components are produced in Switzerland, not including the assembly costs.

So other components can come from elsewhere - dial, hands, case and bracelet. The definition of “Swiss Made” does not enjoy unanimous support within the profession. Many regret that brands whose components are all, or almost all, made in Switzerland should be treated in the same way as those who observe only the legal minimum. What about the 50% rule? How should these be calculated? How can they be controlled? The ordinance spells out certain rules, but considering the differences in costs for materials and labor between Switzerland and abroad, can one really establish whether or not whether the “majority” of a movement is made in Switzerland? Some are demanding even stricter prescriptions, which should also include the watch exterior components.

So next time you buy a watch, look closely. Link to official FTC papers are here.

Ridiculous European Airfares

Enter another competitor to the world of low-cost, uber-small, European airlines: Clickair.

Ridiculously low fares: their inaugural airfare to Barcelona from Geneva was 5 Euro.