2 Legit

I received my official Confederation Suisse "legitimation" card today and am considered a "collaborateur". Not as old-timey as the one in the picture. It's basically equivalent to a work permit for ex-pats in Switzerland. It's an "L" class permit, which is also used for cabaret dancers and other "artists" up to a maximum of 8 months in a year. I'm glad to know that if this information technology gig doesn't work out...

Madrid

The trip to Madrid was fantastic. I definitely think (and I believe my European counterparts will agree with me on this) that Madrid is a more vibrant and active city than Genva. Companies, stores, restaurants, and even the people rotate around a later schedule and seem happier for it.

I stayed at the Hotel Tirol, right off of one of the main arteries into the heart of Madrid, Calle de la Princesa. Great location, okay accomodations. If you go, opt for the refurbished rooms (for 10-20 euros more). Others who can tolerate older rooms and acoutrements can opt for the cheaper unrenovated rooms. Beware that the rooms facing the street can be quite noisy at night.

There were a few interesting fashion trends that I saw in Madrid: the resurgence of the mullet, the popularity with Carhartt industrial clothing, and the burgeoning popularity with the surfing culture and its associated clothing like Quiksilver or Billabong.

This place is a haven for the Atkins followers. Heart attacks on a plate were being served up everywhere, with a side of fried eggs or plain old fat being sides with a lot of dishes. But no place endeared itself more to me than the Museum of Ham. Although some people believe that its competitor, the Palace of Ham, may cater to a more "uppity" clientele, this place was hilarious. Not much on the menu aside from the three "magical animals": bacon, ham, and pork. For Muslims, this place must be equivalent to a Starbucks in Salt Lake City.

Although the Spanish have been known the world over for having a GDP one-twelfth that of the US, they can't blame it on the siesta. Yes, the world-infamous siesta is a gigantic myth. Corporations, restaurants, and everyone else in Madrid do NOT observe any kind of siesta (which sucked after having a gigantic plate of paella and carpaccio). Although stores don't open until later hours for lunch and dinner, it's not because of siesta. It's because most of the population of Madrid are vampires and only emerge in the cloak of darkness.

More of my Madrid pics are posted on my Flickr site. Click on my Flickr badge on the right.

Some other Madrid observations:

• El Corte Ingles: Gigantic megastore (with several locations around Madrid). Great if you want designer names for 10-15% more than what you would pay on the street.
• Slot machines are everywhere. Apparently the old people here are on the same global radio frequency as the elderly in Vegas or Atlantic City. Walk into any bar or arcade in the middle of the day and you will find elderly Spanish spending their pensions away.
• Retiro Park. A fantastic 300 acre park, just south and east of the center of the city. A must-do for any person looking for a walk through Madrid on a good day.
• Zara stores. These stores are almost on every other block of the Grand Via. Although considered upscale NYC boutique-y, the prices in Spain are not that unreasonable.
• Madrid is not immune to urban sprawl. From the 20 minute taxi ride into the city from the airport, you can see how Madrid is sprawling into its great undeveloped surrounding. Building cranes are everywhere - erecting apartment complexes, corporate buildings, etc.
• Chocolate Bar (article on right of page). Near the Plaza Mayor, there was a "chocolate bar" that served churros with a cup of dipping / drinking chocolate. Absolutely decadent. Although you could drink the choclate, several patrons were seen doing the Chris Farley heart attack/chest pound afterwards.
• Madridians speak with a noticeable lisp. This changes the pronunciation of "gracias" to "gra-thee-as" and even "plaza" to "pla-tha". The urban legend about the lisp having developed from Spanish monarchs who lisped is false. It apparently has something to do with how Spanish evolved from Latin.
• Puerta del Sol rocks. Considered the "center" of the city, Puerta del Sol is a section of town that is jam packed with shops, restaurants, and people. Fantastic people watching and shopping. It's a great place to walk around and feel paranoid about pickpockets.
• The metro only costs 1 euro. And it's pretty efficient too! Compare that to the 3 CHF bus fare in Geneva.
• God love the Spanish - they installed a bottle opener in the bathroom of the hotel.
• Spain is God's waiting room in Europe. Apparently, many Germans retire in Spain. It's like the Florida for aging Euruopeans.

Beyond Cheese and Chocolate

So this week hasn't been my best - I returned to my flat yesterday to find that my digital camera, camera case, international drivers' license, 400 euros, and a leather belt were missing. Fingers seem to point to the cleaning lady - hired for years by the landlady (who lives in Spain) - who had entered the flat yesterday to pick up laundry. But I've come to find out that close to 4 other people have access to my flat - landlord, cleaning lady, "concierge" (or building supervisor), and perhaps even PAST tenants. According to my 81-year old landlady, the locks have never been changed on the flat, although it's been rented by multiple tenants. This place is like the Jenna Jameson of Geneva - everyone has a freaking key. It could also possibly be a savvy ex-tenant who knows when the cleaning lady stops by and pins circumstantial evidence on her. Either way, I'm getting the HELL OUT of there. For the next few nights (until a more secure and permanent residence is found for me), I'm in fabulous 2.5 star accomodation.

Aside from making me believe that this will result in some kind of pre-paid good karma in the future, this experience has allowed me to see something that most Genevois don't frequently see (at least so they say): the inside of a police station.

Geneva police are said to have one of the most stringent and rigorous selections in Europe. For some reason, one of the most rigorous tests candidates must pass is in written French grammar. But don't be fooled by the fancy French writing - the Geneva police are apparently plagued with the same bureaucratic problems that other police departments in the US have. Investigation of my missing loot mandated that I contact multiple offices, set appointments with other investigative branches of the police department, and file lots of paperwork. The light at the end of the tunnel? There may be insurance coverage for items that are pilfered (with no forced entry) out of flats that are rented if a police report is filed and investigated.

The weather's warmer, I'm getting a haircut tomorrow, and I managed to pocket the 1G memory card with the Madrid pics before the camera was pilfered. Plus, the camera has about 200 pictures worth of a charge without the docking station (which I still have - suck it whoever you are). Things are looking up.

Back in the Saddle

Returned from Madrid on Saturday night - getting the post and pics together. In the meantime, enjoy these webcams of Geneva and Lac Léman (Geneva).

Bisquits in the Basket

I made my first covert penetration into a true "local" event: the Geneve-Servette Hockey Club game between the Geneva Eagles and the Zurich Lions.

The night started out with a simple dinner of spaghetti and Rivella. The prior, I've come to find, is pretty good (I think proximity to Italy is a big plus). The latter? Well, after much encouragement from my roommates back in the states to try Rivella, I snagged a bottle of it from the refrigerator in the restaurant. Rivella, apparently, is made from whey. It's clear in appearance, non-alcoholic, carbonated, and branded as a "sports drink". It tastes much like a flat Sprite would, with an energy drink aftertaste. Wasn't terrible, but I won't be running out to buy a case to bathe with either.

The hockey game was awesome. The game was played in a rink with a capacity of around 6000 people. In the Geneva rink, the sponsor / VIP seats are on the other side from the rest of the crowd - so on one side of the rink, you have 4500+ screaming fans opposite from a few hundred sponsors and their sycophantic friends. The Swiss announcers (speaking in both French and German to appease both the Geneva and Zurich crowds) seemed to be enrolled in the Michael Buffer "My First WWF Ring Announcement" class. Screaming "let's get ready to rumble" in French never sounded so amusing. So is hearing an entire crowd chant "PUSS-SSAAYYY" (poussez). I held back laughing out loud so that I wouldn't blow my cover.

They have cheerleaders, but they danced FACING the ice in the aisles of the lower levels and had moves apparently on loan from a local junior high. Watching these women slow-grind with their pom poms to I'm-so-depressed-please-lock-me-in-a-closet songs like those from Evanescence made me want to send them all anonymous Carmen Electra tapes or send them to XFL cheerleader camp. Apparently, it's an epidemic across Europe.

Unfortunately, Geneva and Zurich were playing in a series called the "play-outs", not to be confused with the "play-offs". The latter is reserved for the top teams to compete for the title of top Swiss hockey team, the prior for the bottom-most teams to determine who is going to be demoted to the lower leagues. Geneva won game 2 of a 7 game series, 4-3. Interesting Swiss hockey fact: only a certain percentage of hockey players on a team can be foreign nationals.

Big DUB

The Geneva International Auto Show was awesome. It’s really the CES for cars. Although I know crap about cars, it’s nice to be surrounded with all that gleaming metal and be constantly reminded of our dependence on oil. The Swiss really know how to throw a party – an eight minute bus ride to the expo center and a CHF 14 entry fee for an all day pass; can’t complain. I can complain, however, about the “mozzarella and tomato” sandwich that was sold to me that consisted of 5/8ths of a jar of mayonnaise, hidden with a leaf of lettuce. Where were the cheese and tomato you ask? Apparently, the small amounts of true ingredients were strategically placed in the visible parts of the sandwich bag. Zoot.

The square footage footprint was probably a little smaller than CES overall, but a very impressive layout overall. There was a huge difference between the auto sections of CES and the Geneva Auto Show, however. There was MUCH less gratuitous T&A. In this case, most of the T&A was presented in a respectable, naughty librarian-esque fashion. The champagne rooms were respectfully located just beyond the food court.

Since I’ve already admitted the fact that I don’t know much about cars, don’t assume that any of the specs below are the result of my investigative work grilling the well-dressed help. They are, in fact, stolen mainly from the program. My reviews are going to be broken down into simple groupings and are completely subjective: coolest cars (including prototypes), gayest cars, coolest booths, and best booth babes. Check out the new Flickr badge under the links - I've already met my allocation for uploads this month with the pics from the auto show, but will post more as I have space available.

Cars:

1. BMW 650i: Bad ass convertible. Heads up display, night vision.
2. BMW Z4 M Coupe: Unveiled during the show, this is a two-seater, 3.2 liter, straight six cylinder engine that generates 343 bhp.
3. Saab Aero X prototype: 400 bhp, ethanol fueled, six cylinder.
4. Ferrari 599 GTB: 620 bhp, 5999 cc engine, v12.
5. Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder: v10, 520 bhp, permanent 4 wheel drive, 1-100 km in 4.3 sec, top speed of 314 km / hr.
   
   Notable Mention: Opel GT: 260 bhp, 1-100 km/ hr in less than 6 sec. I think this looks suspiciously like the new Pontiac Solstice that was on The Apprentice.

Gayest Cars:

1. Toyota I-Swing: Looks like a cross between Timmy’s wheelchair and a Segway. This one requires no witty comment. The guy in the pic over in the Flickr badge seems to say, “You and I both know that Stephen Hawking has a better whip than this.”
2. Nissan PIVO: The advantage to being inside this 2001 A Space Odyssey-like cabin? It pivots 360 degrees, so you can park in a space nose-in, rotate the cabin 180 degrees to leave, and drive straight out. Imagine driving this thing in a Wisconsin ice storm, having the mechanism stick at something like a 90 degree angle, and waiting while Nissan ships the mechanic out from Tokyo.
3. Toyota Aveo: Through some sort of sinister form of kaizen, the Japanese have finally figured out a way to maximize death potential by removing major parts of the car, like the doors, ceiling, and rear. With these cars, Nissan and Toyota seem to be betting on global warming.
   
   Notable mentions: Toyota Hybrid with Intelligent Parking Assistant. Okay, so I understand the product demographic – people who suck at parallel parking and 98% of the state of Florida. But I would like to see this thing beta tested in San Francisco or maybe Cairo. On their test demo, the car actually parked on TOP of the white line. It’s like Fruit of the Loom investing in an auto-aim functionality in their tightie whitie product line. The Mini Cooper that was outfitted like it was ready for the Dakar Rally got gay points for being a Mini, but alas, it looked kinda cool.

Booths:

1. Opel. This joint had 3 waterfalls and video projection. Can’t outdo that.
2. Audi. Glass, steel, and awesome lighting.
3. Lamborghini. Maybe it was spillover from the Audi booth or its proximity to Bentley and Ferrari, but when you add +10 million hit points for the booth babes, you can’t kill this thing, even with a +10 Slick Italian Salesman Orc Sword.

Booth Babes: A Lesson in Sexual Alliteration

1. Ladies of Lamborghini: Elegant Eveningwear Eves. These ladies were DECKED OUT.
2. Babes of BMW: Lovely Librarians. “I lost my library card in the champagne room. Can you help?”
3. Mistresses of Mini Cooper: Showroom’s Sporty Spices. Looks like they came out of an Urban Outfitters. Very brit, very hip, and very haaaaaayyyyaaaaahhhhtttt.
   
   Effort Award: Femmes of Fiat. They have apparently color-coordinated areas on the uniform that, if touched, will result in a lawsuit.

Soundtrack of the day:

• Mas Que Nada, Sergio Mendes, featuring The Black Eyed Peas, Timeless
• That Was A Crazy Game of Poker, O.A.R., 34th & 8th
• Open Up, Dispatch, Gut the Van vol. 1
• Walk Away, Ben Harper, Welcome to the Cruel World
• Superstar Punani, Sublime, Second-Hand Smoke

Ipoddin' in the Rain

So it's one of the rainiest days in Geneva and what does your boy Ben do? I decide to visit one of the single largest outdoor, water-based attractions in Western Europe. Think the Geneva equivalent of Splash Mountain. I was determined to get some touristy stuff under my belt; what can I say?

Jet d'Eau is located in the center of town near the point where Lac Leman flows into the Rhone. It is probably the single landmark that everyone immediately identifies with Geneva. The rain and wind were blowing sideways (the spray from the jet didn't help) and I thought I saw at least one dead duck in the lake (to add the H5N1 hysteria here), but all was made right. As touristy as I realized the moment was, it kicked ass to see water go that high. Not as much ass kicking as this guy is doing, though. It's like Jackie Chan was reincarnated as a French dude. Now that I've seen jet d'eau, I have officially arrived. Tomorrow, I head off to the Geneva International Car Show.

So the ipod has become a critical piece of my experience here in Geneva. It adds a soundtrack to the sights which (excluding the jackknifing Michael Jackson car) would be woefully quiet. Here's the soundtrack for today (links to amazon.com MS media player samples):

• Talk of the Town, Jack Johnson, Sing Alongs and Lullabies
• When You Come Back Down, Nickel Creek, Nickel Creek
• The Importance of Being Idle, Oasis, Don't Believe the Truth
• Things Are Getting Better, N.E.R.D., In Search Of
• Hell Yes, Beck, Guero
• My Sexual Life, Everclear, Sparkle and Fade
• Angel, DMB, Everyday
• Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt.1, The Flaming Lips, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
• The Fallen, Franz Ferdinand, You Could Have It So Much Better

Flat Pics are UP

Pics of the sprawling one-bedroom studio:

Walk in closet (facing SW). Note the stuffed aviary.



Formal dining room (facing SE).



Library / study (facing NW)



Place de magique: Master Bedroom (facing NE). Take note of the TWIN bed with PINK sheets. Email to Martha Stewart: I am currently seeking asylum.




Eat-in kitchen with views (of the formal dining room). Note that towel on the wall is a load-bearing towel.



Entree des artistes



Master bath

Something the Swiss Suck At

So the Swiss actually suck at something. Ironically, it's snow removal from streets. It's nonexistent in Geneva. This past week, a storm dropped around 3 inches of snow and in the morning it looked like the movie The Day After Tomorrow - with French subtitles.

I witnessed two buses (including the one that I was on at the time) break down in the MIDDLE of intersections and tie up all four directions. In typical Genevois fashion, no one honked or even shouted - a handful of drivers actually got out of their cars and started to joke with the bus driver, who had decided to leave his stranded rig and observe the hijinks from the corner while having a cigarette. I saw an Opel, with its brakes apparently locked, begin to franticly drive towards the median and jackknive until it was nearly perpendicular to the direction of traffic. The funny thing? The cars behind it followed suit like lemmings and at least one of them was jamming a Euro remix of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean". It was as if someone had shut off their ability to think independently or maybe make U-turns. The more successful ones had cars not developed by General Motors. The smarter ones turned off the street. The dumber ones took out their mobiles and started to call their insurance companies while sliding.