It's all about US

Scanning the radio and TV is a frustrating exercise in Virginia. The most striking thing is that all of the stories are purely focused on domestic issues - inane issues at that. A sampling of issues that have won the headlines in the US:

• Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump on the handling of the Miss USA drunkenness scandal.
  
• Deep fried turkey party causes labor dispute at Dulles International Airport.

Admittedly, Geneva had its share of inane issues that seem to still be smoldering, but for the most part, the majority of coverage seems to be on international issues that tend to be more weighty. A recent notable exception is on SwissInfo and covers the Swiss Navy. Yes. Swiss Navy. Play the video for Miami Vice lushiousness.

One month report card

It's been a little over one month since my return to the states, and it's time for a checkup.

Returning to work.............................F
Being back with my honey.................A+
Traffic jams....................................D
American coffee...............................C
American "baguette".........................D
Getting a king sized bed....................A
Being subjected to "Greys Anatomy"....C-
New versions of "Family Guy".............B+
Looking forward to TV shows.............F
Reading Le Matin online jealously........B
Eating Hersheys..............................C

Something you won't see around the DC beltway

Crazy video of ski-paragliding down the Eiger in Switzerland.

Most Annoying Questions, Ever

It's hard to tell, with Americans, earnest curiousity from polite courteousness. Upon seeing some friends or colleagues for the first time in months, it seems that not enough thought is put into assembling thought-provoking questions. Here are the top three most annoying questions:

• "How was it?"
• This is so fantastically open-ended, it's hard to know where to start. My responses have ranged from "awesome" to "a great growth experience". My selection of response usually depends on how jealous or upset the person will become if I were to say, "That trip was so crunk that even Snoop Dogg is going to be talking about missing out for years to come."
  
• "Did you have a great time?"
• "No. Terrible. Tan and weight loss do not suit me. I am elated to be back on soil of Glorious Leader Bush."
  
• "How was Sweden?
  

Democrats in da Hiz-ouse

On Nov. 7, I dragged myself out of work and to the polling stations to cast my vote in, among other races, the Virginia Senatorial race between George Allen and Jim Webb.

I'm proud enough to say that my vote was, hopefully, one of the 7200 votes that separated the winning Webb (D) from our good buddy George Macaca Allen (R).

Post Travel Bed-Bound Blues

I'm sick. Two days ago, my throat felt like it went on vacation and left a small wolverine as its substitute. Today, the wolverine has chosen to lodge itself behind my left tonsil. Just about every swallow is painful.

According to Duke Health, the chance of illness for a one-month international trip is 60-70%. Since I caught two colds back to back upon arriving in Geneva, I thought I had paid my dues. Not so lucky.

I am really lacking the ability to be objective about my experiences back in US since everything is tainted by my general grumpiness about being sick. It's like seeing things through puke-colored glasses.

Adjusting to the lifestyle of the car is something that I still am terribly remorseful about. Although I remember sweating and complaining to myself in those first few weeks in Switzerland, the bus / walk lifestyle is more rewarding. Sitting in a 3-5 mile stretch of gridlock on 395, I started to think back to the "traffic jams" in downtown Geneva that usually stretched for 3-5 blocks and almost pulled to the shoulder and walked home.

For the first week back, I have to say that the increased dependency on cars is the first thing I noticed.

The Replacement

During the heavy losses in WWII, replacements were brought in to fill the gaps in the squads. The situation that I find myself in is no different.

I'm witnessing the slow defeat of our IT division through the grinding, often agonizing reorganization that they've been undergoing for the past eight months (while I have been abroad). The reorg has ground down some of the most experienced and talented minds that kept the organization running - and we are starting to lose them. The story is nothing unique to other organizations that have underwent terrible reorgs.

It's tough being the fresh-faced quasi-noob, newly off the plane from Switzerland and placed in a squadron of grizzled veterans who have seen hell. The reorg, by all accounts, has not been successful and it isn't nearly complete. The conversations I've had with all of my old colleagues has reminded me of a paradox that I learned of in project management training.

The Abilene Paradox is a paradox in which the limits of a particular situation force a group of people to act in a way that is directly the opposite of their actual preferences. It is a phenomenon that occurs when groups continue with misguided activities which no group member desires because no member is willing to raise objections. The reorganization, despite quiet objections from small groups of holdouts in the department, has become an example of the Abilene Paradox.

Being the fresh-face, I'm trying to keep my head low, learn what happened from the vets, and see if there's a way for all of us to get out of this war.

Back in the saddle

I'm three days new to this awkward timezone and still don't feel like I'm any where near getting adjusted. Jumping right back into work is also something that I don't really recommend to anyone not prepared to deal with the onslaught of curious coworkers who are the equivalent of stick-wielding children at the zoo.

The flight itself wasn't terrible, with the notable exception of being treated like a shiv-carrying prisoner at the Frankfurt airport. I did everything except the cheek-spread, sack-lift in that freaking airport security line.

What is the hardest, most immediate adjustment for me in the past 3 days? It's that I'm back behind the wheel of a wheeled, armored beast, standing in traffic and losing 30-40 minute stretches of my life as I scan the airwaves for something other than talk radio and smooth jazz. Coworkers look different, work seems to have become twice as stressful for them, and everyone I see has an air of pessimism about them. The upside for them? At least they can now stress out in casual clothing rather than business casual.

Send Me on My Way

The leaves are starting to fall and the colors have already started to change in the Alps. The temperature is planned to drop from 17 C (62 F) today, 11 C (51 F) tomorrow, and end the week at 7 C (44 F). It's time to go. Time to go home.

Not that any ending is truly an ending. Like Orson Wells (that dirty old man) said, "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." And I believe, like a few of my readers, that the this story is far from ending.

For the next few months, I will attempt to document my firey re-entry into the American culture, complete with all the difficulties of reintegration, culture, and dearth of creative gastronomic outlets.

For those of you who think I have jumped the shark, you will be refunded your money at the end of this blog entry. Oh wait, that's right, you're reading this for your own edification. Let me edify you some more then: the story goes on bitches.

I'm trying to learn from the lessons of other bloggers in similar situations. Daniel Ginsberg from Boston documented his struggles with American culture upon returning from Serbia earlier this year. What about lacki from New Jersey who blogs about how she hates the lack of the chill-ness of American culture vs. the Porteugese.

Best recollecting moment from an American on their experience abroad:

"I'm sure this happens to you a lot - you're maneuvering your manure cart down a cobblestone road when all of a sudden you realize that you've gone thirty minutes without praying. Now what? Unfortunately, it's too late for you, and your soul will burn in the fires of hell for the rest of your eternally damned afterlife. But, you should still stop by one of the local Jesus Boxes just to show your face. The little villages in Portugal are filled with Jesus Boxes, which are, as the name implies, large stone boxes filled to the brim with Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of them, and chances are you'll be struck dead by holy lightning if one of the creepy Jesus mannequins catches you swinging dead cats on a day of worship."

See you all on the flipside.

Soundtrack of the Day:

Send Me on My Way. Rusted Root.

Movie of the Day

Smartest Guys in the Room. Great cautionary tale to CEOs. Interestingly enough, an awesome soundtrack too.

Global Bird Flu Epidemic = Move to Switzerland

Swiss government approves the purchasing of 7.4 M doses of bird flu vaccine - enough to vaccinate the entire Swiss population.

Nowhere but Switzerland

So Nestle tried to repackage one of their brands, Callier, to make it sexier. Here's an article in swissinfo.ch that I find remarkable for a few reasons:

• The CEO has cancer and Nestle expects her to come back and turnaround operations on the failing brand.
• A Swiss supermarket chain decided to stop stocking Callier because of the price increases.
• Complaints about the packaging having too much unrecyclable content were noticed.

Why European Best Westerns Aren't Synonymous with Plastic Ice Buckets

THE FOLLOWING IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT*

Through my travels over the past 8 months, I've noted that going to a Best Western in Prague is not the same as visiting the BW Hitching Post Inn in Cheyenne, Wyoming. In fact, most Best Westerns in Europe seem to exceed the standards that I've come to expect from the world's largest buyer of plastic ice buckets, cellophane-wrapped plastic cups, and bolted-down TV remote controls.

BW's European growth plan is centered on a simple idea: buy independently-owned hotels in good target locations and gateways that seek brand affiliation. In my experience with the hotels in Europe, it's worked. In the end, you get a good hotel room in a great location for an okay price. Leveraging services like online booking also kicks the pants off of other European competitors who are slow to adopt Internet standards.

* However, anyone can feel free to pay me at any time.

Idea of the Day

Choose Your Own Adventure: Podcast Web 2.0 Remix

• Each story starts with a podcast "stub" that is a small intro to a story, posted online. Users can also propose their own "stubs".
• Users post a podcast response to the stub, where the subject heading is a decision that the reader must make. For example: "To go down the unlit stairwell, click here." The story would continue and the user would record their own story lines and plot twists. For example: "After walking down the unlit stairwell, you open the door that leads to a gigantic underground repository for Hugh Hefner's Viagara stash..."
• Users can continue to post altnerate decisions to the original stub or add a new "chapter" to an existing podcast response. A visual "tree" diagram would allow users to see new postings and decision points.
• Users would vote on story "threads" (i.e., a string of podcast responses from various users strung together) and individual podcasts.

Swiss Mental Illness: Underreported?

Call it a hunch, but I think that the number of mentally ill people in Switzerland is underreported. Maybe its a combination of culture and social tolerance of odd behavior. Then again, maybe it was just the urine stench coming from the guy next to me on the bus.

Bern, Switzerland - YouTube Comments Remix

SwissDeutsch112 (Last week)
Bern is like a Swiss city middle child: not cool enough to be Zurich, not enough hotties to be Lausanne, and not enough brainy ex pats to be Geneva.

<3tomcruise<3 (2 weeks ago)
On Saturdays, check out the "stress tests" that are offered by the Scientology tents in the Baernplatz Farmer's Market. Just knowing that L. Ron Hubbard can reach beyond Southern California is stressful.

WokWhacker (3 weeks ago)
OMG, did anyone check out the totally hot chicks outside of Lorinzini's or Liquid? Who came up with the name Kornhaus or Rathaus anyways?

PamAnderson3 (4 weeks ago)
I will flash you if you let those bears out of that damn pit!

Flickr pics are here.

The World is Flat and Stressed Out

Contrary to what many companies may think, a stressed out worker is a less productive worker. And it's costing American business billions. The cost of stress to American business is staggering, with estimates ranging from $80 billion to $150 billion annually. Stress causes illnesses, absenteeism, diminished productivity, accidents, mistakes, job dissatisfaction, burnout, high turnover, and soaring health insurance premiums. Link to October 22, 2006 article here.

Americans aren't the only ones. Workers around the world are feeling the crunch. But there does seem to be a vacation : stress correlation as pointed out in the Grant-Thornton paper. In Asia, they're calling it a stress "epidemic".

Although Europeans also saw a stress increase in 2005, they're nowhere near as stressed as the Asian countries.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: American Foreign Policy Defense

On more than one occasion, I've found myself in the middle of heated or mildly uncomfortable discussions about American foreign policy. These conversations are sometimes played out by the Swiss (or ex pats) in a good cop / bad cop routine. Through a bit of trial-and-error, I've found a way to steer the conversation topic towards a subject that most people in Geneva all agree on: that Geneva is a great place to live.

Now there is "objective" research that's been done on this, but no where is it more apparent than when you get any large-ish group of people together. Like a faint din that crescendos into a trumpet blaring in your ear, you can almost predict that at some point in the conversation people will begin to coo in unison about how wonderful the city is - almost like some strange group orgy with verbal rubbing.

Use my trick to shift any uncomfortable conversation topic towards a well-agreed topic. I've inserted xml tags for added effect (here replaced by the [] brackets thanks to Blogger).

• Inquisitor 1: "What do you think about George Bush?"
• Ben: [sweat][fidget]
• Inquisitor 2: "That's not very fair question."
• Ben: [/sweat][/fidget][skeptically look at person]
• Inquisitor 2: "What do you think about the war for oil, global warming, or the North Korean situation?"
• Ben: [crap][run script src = Phil Hartman's Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer] "I'm just an IT geek. American foreign policy frightens and confuses me! Sometimes all the news coverage on global warming makes me want to get out of my SUV and run off into the hills. My IT-oriented mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like me comes to Geneva, you can't help but admire this city for being so clean, close to nature and the Alps, and all within a few minutes flight of the most stunning cities in Western Europe." [/crap][begin nervous shifty eyes]
• Inquisitor 1: "Ben's words are true. I love Geneva."
• Inquisitor 2: "Yes. We all love Geneva. Let's have another drink."

Swiss Made

Synonymous with quality and reliability, the “Swiss Made” label is a much sought-after label in watchmaking. The official definition of its use actually allows some watches to be sold as “Swiss,” when they are actually not completely so. How, you ask?

In 1992, a modified ordinance defined the usage of the "Swiss", "Swiss Made", and "Made in Switzerland" designations. A watch is considered Swiss if:

• the movement is Swiss (see below);
• the movement is fitted in Switzerland; and
• the final manufacturing control takes place in Switzerland

A movement is considered Swiss if:

• it is assembled in Switzerland;
• controlled by the manufacturer in Switzerland; and
• at least 50% of the value of its components are produced in Switzerland, not including the assembly costs.

So other components can come from elsewhere - dial, hands, case and bracelet. The definition of “Swiss Made” does not enjoy unanimous support within the profession. Many regret that brands whose components are all, or almost all, made in Switzerland should be treated in the same way as those who observe only the legal minimum. What about the 50% rule? How should these be calculated? How can they be controlled? The ordinance spells out certain rules, but considering the differences in costs for materials and labor between Switzerland and abroad, can one really establish whether or not whether the “majority” of a movement is made in Switzerland? Some are demanding even stricter prescriptions, which should also include the watch exterior components.

So next time you buy a watch, look closely. Link to official FTC papers are here.

Ridiculous European Airfares

Enter another competitor to the world of low-cost, uber-small, European airlines: Clickair.

Ridiculously low fares: their inaugural airfare to Barcelona from Geneva was 5 Euro.

Ben Harper - Geneva

Went to the Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals concert last night and had a blast. The opening act was a guy named William White, a relative unknown in my book but apparently from Switzerland (.ch domain). He had a few good acoustic songs, but overall was not impressive. The funniest thing was that he would have these long stories in English, but neglected to remember that he was addressing a predominantly French-speaking crowd. On top of that, he spoke like Bob Marley - talk about a confused crowd.

Ben rocked. He opened up with "With My Own Two Hands" and was on a roll from there. His set had a few too many slow songs in it for my preference and I found myself occupying the time by drinking one too many beers with my buddy during the ballads. He never got into "Burn One Down", one of my favorites, but did end with his new-ish hit single, "Better Way".

First it was songs, then it was lyrics. Now it's tabulatures. The RIAA is going after anyone that posts tabs online and it has more than scared a few off the Internet. Ben is one of the few artists that are providing links to tabulature on his website for free. Go Ben!

My ears still ring, my voice is still hoarse, and my back hurts from standing all night. But it was well worth it.

Soundtrack of the Day:

• Pandora.com Ben Harper channel

Hockey, Part Deux

I scored tickets to another Geneva hockey game, only to watch the brave Geneva Eagles get their ass handed to them by Fribourg, another French-Swiss team. The score wound up being 1-7, but yours truly was headed for the doors by 0-5.

The game wasn't much to watch, but an errant puck made me laugh at how I had forgotten I was in Switzerland: a shot against the Fribourg goalie popped up after hitting someone in the shoulder and flew over the glass. As is customary, most young boys 8-12 years old went running for it Chariots of Fire-style. The security guard got to it first and the next closest child looked at him with puppy-dog eyes. The guard whispered something to the boy, the boy nodded, and the guard handed him the puck - which went immediately into the boy's pocket with no pomp, no circumstance, no grandstanding. He boy quietly walked back to his seat, patting the puck in his pocket in silent celebration.

This behavior struck me as being terribly Swiss. The attitude of "even if you got it, don't flaunt it" pervades even the celebration that is reserved for the most cherished of childhood achievements: the pop fly.

Les enfants d'ordures

Remember Garbage Pail kids? Remember how they were such a big-ish underground phenomenon in the US? Well it wasn't just the US kids that were enjoying them. Thanks to some contacts here in Switzerland, I've uncovered a handful of FRENCH Garbage Pail kids (Les Crados).

Enjoy.

Romansch and Elmer Fudd

So there are four official languages of Switzerland. French, German, Italian, and Romansch (crazy, right?)What, you ask, is Romansch?

The Wikipedia page on Romansch is here, but in general, Romansch sounds like a language that I would have tried to assemble when I was 10 years old and playing with Legos. For example:

• buna saira - good evening
• a pli tard - see you later
• gratulazions - congratulations

Any of that sound familiar? Remotely like Italian, French, or maybe even English (okay, I'll give you English because they're both based on Latin). Microsoft is even investing in figuring out the thing so they can get it into XP as a language. They should go the Google way at the same time and go for the Elmer Fudd localization as well.

Article on Swissinfo here.
Google localization for Romansch is here.

Zurich Tram Signs

"Please refrain from being a Mexican on the tram and use your saws responsibly."

Some other things the Swiss suck at

• Pretending they don't share your banking information.
• Killing their family members.
• Thinking they can run an airline.
• Cultivating baaaaad girls - grrrowwwl.
• Spelling.

Switzerland vs. Russia

Trademark infringement waiting to happen

Mike Wong's: great food, bad choice of logo. Check out Chris Rush Cohen's blog for a good synopsis of what all the Genevois think when passing this restaurant.

Room with a view

The view of Geneva and the surroundings (including Mt. Saleve) from out my living room window.

Flickr set is here.

360 Theater in the Round

Warning: this post has nothing to do with living in Switzerland.

So one of my huge pet peeves about going to movie theaters is that there is a cluster of seats in the center of the theater that are always taken first. Get to a movie late and you're out of luck. This is, in part, one of the reasons why I don't go to movies as much (and in Geneva, you have to watch out for the V.O. asterisk on movies or else you'll be watching Jackass 2 in French the whole night). Okay - I lied. This post mentions Switzerland.

My brainstorm was having theaters-in-the-round. A completely round movie theaters in which all the seats had the exact same viewing angle -- no one craning their neck to look up at the screen or peering down from the nosebleeds. You could imagine a circular colliseum in which every seat had the same image.

Now it looks like it's possible. Unless it's totally fake. These guys have managed to create images that appear identical from whatever angle you view them at. Some YouTubers have labelled them "holographic" and others have poo-pooed the term. But think of the possibilities: theaters where all the seats have the same perspective. Grain silos across the midwest converted into multi-story movie theaters-in-the-round. Think about it!

Ironic Graffiti of the Day

"Leave Geneva clean, thank you."

Great pics on Les Murs.

Swiss Banking Myths

Ever wonder how much of Swiss banking is a myth and how much of it is real? A bank in Switzerland is doing its fair share of myth debunking by taking a look at a few movies that highlight some popular myths about Swiss banks: The Bourne Identity, James Bond, and Munich are just a few.

Take a look here.

Band of the Day

Toots and the Maytals. Favorites of the day. Check them out!

Ring o' Fire

Okay, nothing to do with Europe, but I watched "Walk the Line" last night and was reminded of the great "This American Life" radio segment by Sarah Vowell that I heard back in 2003. Great story on how the song we all have on our Ipods - Ring of Fire - came about.

This American Life 2003 archives page is here. Episode 247 - listen to the streaming audio. Fast forward to minute 47 to hear the segment.

Recipe of the Day

Although the days of lounging around in a restaurant's outdoor terrace have passed, I still need to catch up on posts about summertime eating and drinking, so bear with me.

Lychee Mint Champagne

• 1 lb. of peeled, pitted lychees
  
• 6-8 fresh mint leaves


• 1 bottle champagne or sparkling white wine

Puree the lychees and mint leaves in a food processor. Strain through a fine sieve into a bowl. Half fill a glass with the mixture and top with champagne. Decorate with a sprig of mint.

Decadent drink mixes are here.

Slow Lament

I'm starting to come to the slow realization that I have less than 30 days left on my Swiss dance card. Although I still have the majority of a month left, I'm already starting to look longingly across the lake and into the Alps. I even caught myself walking around the illuminated Jet d'Eau late at night and snacking on random cheese in the fridge. The mistral winds are developing somewhere in France, getting ready to subject the unwitting to its madness. Geneva is slowly rolling over in her brown blanket of dying, pleasantly acrid foliage.

Soundtrack of the Day:

• Let Me Down Slow, The Rolling Stones
• Tupelo Honey, Van Morrison
• In The Car, Bare Naked Ladies
• Sail Away, David Gray
• Steady As We Go, Dave Matthews Band
• Take Me Home Country Roads, Toots and the Maytals
• Gone Til November, Wyclef Jean

Oktoberfest 2006

Back by popular demand, the TripAdvisor.com remix - this time, Oktoberfest 2006.

Lederhosen

"... It naturally follows that German men, who have been wearing lederhosen for generations, would naturally be attracted to the David Hasselhoff-style of leather hot pants. That and your ass feels so suede-y."

Nipple Chafing

"... Lederhosen suspenders need to come with band aids. The starch in my shirt turned my chest into ground beef."

Explaining that 'cin cin' means 'penis' in Japanese to a drunk Italian

"... There's 45 minutes of my life I will never get back."

Bryan Adams - Unofficial hero of Oktoberfest

"... The scary thing? This passed-out mother of two sitting next to me was probably singing 'Gitarzan' during the summer of '69."

Strange cover band setlist choices

"... How did Highway to Hell become a Bavarian drinking song?"

Drunken singing and lip-synching

"... Watching gigantic tents full of people singing Bavarian drinking songs made me more teary than watching Maurice Cheeks save that little girl during the national anthem in the 2003 NBA playoffs."

Possibility for Bio-Dome 2

"... Don't tell Pauly Shore this place is called 'wiesn'. His agent might smell a comeback."

Bavarian food

"... I didn't know you could EAT kartoffel kloesse - I'm using mine as an exfoliating loofa back in the hotel."

Dirndls

"... Dirndls make ugly women look decent, decent women look fantastic, and fantastic women look like Paris Hilton. Interestingly enough, Paris Hilton in a dirndl looks like the hot daughter of Elrond - the one that went to beauty school and Tolkein decided to edit out. This is apparently the zenith of the dirndl - to look like a hottie elf from Middle Earth."

Flickr set from Oktoberfest is here.

hellaboring.ppt

I was invited to attend a seminar on Change Management, hosted by the Project Management Institute in Switzerland. PMI meetings are basically a PowerPoint orgy for PMs looking to get more CEUs (Continuing Education Units) to make sure they can actually keep the title of "PMP certified" on their CV. Depending on the subject of the presentation, it's a battle to stay awake. Usually the most redeeming part of any of these presentations is the ability to network after the event, over free drinks preferably.


The presentation was ridiculous. The presenter was American, spoke way too fast, and never answered a direct question with a direct answer. It was amazingly frustrating to sit through 30 PowerPoint slides with a look of feigned interest.


The nadir of the presentation had to be a drawing that encompassed 15 different elements on a jam-packed slide. Now I'm no PowerPoint jedi, but hell - this guy might as well have come in speaking like Ross Perot and pointing to a picture of a DNA-histone protein complex. The native English speakers called bullshit early and started to pepper questions like clusterbombs. Watching this guy dance around the answers was like watching NASCAR: you feel guilty for thinking it, but at some point in time, you just want the guy to crash and burn.


Good article on the good and the bad of PowerPoint here.
Hilarious take on the Gettysburg Address - PowerPoint remix here.

Are Europeans God-Haters?

A few times since I've been here, I've heard the quote (more or less) that, "French view religion as a cultural heritage more than a daily belief system."

Interesting article this month in the Boston Globe online about how the European culture has become "hostile" to Christianity and how conservative Catholic intellectuals are worried that secularism is "rotting public morality".

Link to article is here.

Apres-Work Activities

For the past few months, a group of fellow native English speakers and I have been getting together on Tuesday nights for the "Anglo-Saxon Swimming and Beer uber-night". Summer nights usually involved swimming in the lake for an hour and speaking in our native tongue over cheap Chinese or doner kebabs. More recently, however, it's become an opportunity for us to collectively exact revenge on the Swiss society that prizes passive-aggressiveness and taxes testosterone.

Lured out by Coronas and bad Mexican food, the inner dirty-joke telling, laundry-leaving, nothing-in-the-fridge-but-mustard-and-Altoids monster emerges. For the night, we are allowed to be the men that the Swiss despise - loud, nasty, ball-itching expats with L-cards. Alas, at the end of the night, the debaucherous monster retreats with the dying moonlight and isn't seen again for another 6 nights.

Long live ASS and BUNs, bitches.

Marienplatz - Munich, Germany

I tend to have a routine when I get to a new European city: I walk it until I practically collapse. Munich was no different. I took the 45-minute S-bahn train from the airport down into Marienplatz and found myself, again, in the tourist clusterfuck. I grabbed some roasted chestnuts (a slight improvement from the chestnuts in Lucerne) and hit the sidestreets, ducking the massive flocks of Japanese in the process. Here were my highlights from Marienplatz:

New Town Hall, Old Town Hall, and the Carillon were obviously the architectural highlights. Spent a good number of megapixels on those babies. The western end of the walking street has a fantastic fountain.

The Hofbrauhaus (across the street from the Hard Rock Cafe) had to be the biggest example of the tourist-sellout. I bought a polo anyway, just don't tell anyone.

A nice discovery was Hirmer - the 4-story men's ONLY store in downtown Munich. It rocked. It's about time that men had our own store. It was funny actually seeing women holding dude's jackets as guys tried on crap. I don't think there's a feminine equivalent for the emasculating act of a man holding a woman's purse, but at least it comes close.

I giggled as I looked at a coinstore that was trying to sell a collection of coins from 1939-1950 with strategically placed tape. See if you can figure out what they're trying to hide.

I ran into a bunch of drunk Chinese tourists and found out they can be as loud and obnoxious as American tourists.

Jumping into a secondhand clothing store, I expected to see some bad-ass German t-shirts. I imagined bringing back a handful of "Munich Junior Bundesliga" or "Ich ging nach Hamburg und ich empfing nur diesen Hautausschlag." Instead, I was greeted with a treasure trove that looked like it had been hauled out of the Goodwill in Biloxi, Mississippi. NFL shirts, NBA hats, and all of the other dreck that our American society manages to produce (via China or Taiwan) seems to be clogging the secondhand stores of foreign countries too. I don't think it was coincidence that I documented another example of English gone horribly wrong on t-shirts here.

My experience with German clothing would get fantastically better, however. Walking around the corner, I ran into a traditional German clothing store that was doing ridiculous business thanks to us tourists willing to shell out the bucks to wear lederhosen and God's gift to Bavarian men, the dirndl. If you don't know what a dirndl is, it's best not to even know. You too will be absorbed by the mysterious allure of the German attire. After witnessing hordes of not-so-shy German women trying on and exhibiting their dirndls in the store, I decided to exit quickly before some big, fat, German fist came knocking on my jaw. Round 1 to dirndl.

I dined on a handful of bratwurst sandwiches that were being sold out of a train station kiosk and finished them off with some takeout sushi. Yeah. Sushi. Gimme a break.

Exhausted and weary, I took the train back to the spacestation / hotel (near the airport) and collapsed on the bed watching the equivalent of German porno-informercials. I would have to bring my A-game for Oktoberfest.

Flickr set is here.

Munich, Germany

Ever wondered what an airport would look like if it were designed by Apple and Johnny Tran from the Fast and the Furious? Go to Munich.

Lyon, France

Hopped a train and walked around Lyon, France a few weeks ago. Lyon is a bustling, eccentric, student city with lots of great restaurants, shops, and a fantastic old town. It's easy to get around, mostly because of sophisticated, free rental bicycles that are available on virtually every street corner. The free bike trend is taking France and Switzerland by storm - not that Americans really care, because I can't imagine a lot of people would be very excited about jumping on a bicycle in the middle of a Houston or Washington D.C. summer.

Lyon is becoming known as the culinary capital of France - the city is dotted with hip, nouveau restaurants and attractive interiors coupled with good food. Shopping rocks (a.k.a. cheaper than Switzerland) and the old town is fun as hell to walk around. Walking up to the cathedral provides stunning views of the city and is well worth the sweat (although once you get to the top, you're joined by 500 Japanese tourists coming off the metro).

Flickr set is here.

Thoughts on missing your //insert mode of transportation here//

Having narrowly avoided missing my flight in Rome, I was recollecting on a situation in Genoa where I wasn't so lucky and thought I would pass on a morsel of knowledge:

When travelling by train in Europe, don't rely on the posted train schedules that are plastered to the walls or behind glass. ALWAYS LOOK AT THE DEPARTURES BOARD. This is the board that's updated on a regular basis and usually has the giant, flipping characters. Don't assume that you are on the right train by jumping on the right car that's in the right track at the right time.

A new reason for Swiss to get married

Under the current taxation system in Switzerland, a married couple has to pay tax as a single entity. In cases where both husband and wife work, incomes are added together and taxed jointly rather than individually, as is the case for couples that live together. Up to now, direct federal taxation has penalized working married couples. For example, in a couple where the man has a taxable income of SFr 60,000 while his partner earns SFr 40,000, if the couple are not married, the man pays taxes of SFr 849 and the woman SFr 284 - a total of SFr 1,133 per year.

If this same couple are married, they pay tax on their combined income of SFr 92,400 (SFr 100,000 – SFr 7,600 tax deduction) - which adds up to a total of SFr 1,969.

The Swiss Parliament has agreed, today, to allow a maximum of SFr 12,500 ($9,975) of a married couple's joint income to be tax deductible, doing away with married couple tax discrimination.

I have a feeling that Swiss visits to Vegas will be picking up in the next few months.

Article is here.

Guess where I went this weekend

Rome, I hardly knew ye

Ever wanted to spend your European weekends lazing around the fountains of Rome? Me too. But thanks to the infinite wisdom of Alitalia, I instead found myself hoofing it around the Rome airport, busting a sweat trying to pass through two passport controls behind a Roman Catholic priest who must have been wearing 10 tons of religious metal. All was made good...