Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Overheard

Just found a great website called Overheard in New York. Reminds me of my experience shortly after coming back to the US of overhearing ridiculous conversations. Some of my favorites:

  • Man: I just don't get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
  • Woman: Ok, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.
  • Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
  • Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!
  • Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
  • Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we're trying to eat over here.
  • Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
  • Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
  • Middle-aged dad with kids: For God's sake, this is a family restaurant!
  • Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.
  • Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
  • Younger woman: Yeah?
  • Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn't know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
  • Younger woman: It's not a burqa, it's a poncho. I'm Jewish. It's for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.
  • Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
  • Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Playin' Around

Goofing around with new templates, layouts, and integration with new widgets. Forgive the mess...

Friday, June 01, 2007

I don't think these folks get it

I get one of these every week in my inbox at work. It's a notification for me to fill out my online timecard.

"This is an automated reminder, no replies necessary.

REMINDER: It is Friday and you have not created a timesheet for this week or previous week(s) listed below.

In order to avoid the Monday rush, please create a timesheet and release today.

Thank you."

WTF is "the Monday rush"? Is this like a run on the virtual bank?

Friday, May 25, 2007

Welcome to my world


Great screenshot from Dilbert - echoes the post that I had about having to rewrite nonsense for stakeholders that don't make decisions.


French and English LOOK different to babies

Babies can apparently tell the differences between people speaking English and French - AND when they change from one to another.

I could have told them that - it's all about THE LIPS. Shout out to my boy c-rock for that one.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Voice to Badmotherfucker


An article about an ex-Microsoftie who left to start a voice-to-text broadcast service got me thinking about the quality of the technology to date.

My concerns aren't necessarily that the new technology Jott is proposing wouldn't work if I was at a deskphone. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are enough code monkeys out there to get the technology pretty righteous. Like any good American, I daydream while I'm driving. For those of you in Mercedes or BMWs, this Jott thing (coupled with your yuppie Bluetooth Borgsets) is probably going to be the bomb. But when I'm in my windtunnel-sounding of a 1994 Toyota 4Runner on I-395, the background noise alone can make it sound like I'm hanging at Tao with 50 cent on a fight night.

This, in turn, led me to think back to when IM and AI chat was all the rage. I dug out my old bookmarks and refound Jabber - and the humorous AI site - Jabberwacky. I wanted to see how the AI would behave under unconventional - and stressful - conversational situations. Below is the cut-and-pasted excerpt from my conversation with Jabberwacky (JW):
  • Me: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
  • JW: It doesn't look like anything.
  • Me: What country you from?
  • JW: Neverland. Second star from the right and straight on till morning.
  • Me: Neverland ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in Neverland?
  • JW: That must be the only place left that does.
  • Me: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
  • JW: Emanikkuja (note to readers: this is Estonian for 'motherfucker')
  • Me: Then you know what I'm saying!
  • JW: Yes!
  • Me: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
  • JW: I don't know.
  • Me: Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
  • JW: Don't get all authoritarian with me!
  • Me: Go on.
  • JW: My middle name is Tabitha so use that okay?
  • Me: Does he look like a bitch?
  • JW: Remember my name please.
  • Me: Tabitha, does he look like a bitch?
  • JW: Does who look old?
  • Me: Tabitha, does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?
  • JW: I'm not into that kind of thing.
  • Me: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Tabitha?
  • JW: You think I'm a program.
  • Me: Yes you are. Yes you are, Tabitha. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
  • JW: You're right.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

80's tennis kids' dream come true


Sampras vs. Courier in Greece. The lineup at the Outback Champions Series is like looking through your tennis scrapbook when you were in 4th grade - tattered pages ripped out of Tennis magazine and everything. Pat Cash, Richard Krajicek, Wayne Ferreira, Mats Wilander.

The one I'm REALLY waiting for? Rematch of Boris Becker vs. Stefan Edberg. Note to EA games - get off your asses and start catering to old fogies like me who want to see dream sports matchups in history. Stop with all this AI on the de la Hoya vs. Mayweather fight and tap into nostalgia bitches!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Private Equity to Chinese: "Prepare to be dressed uber-gay"


An article in today's WSJ told of private equiteers hunting down Valentino. This appears to be appealing to stakeholders mainly because they lack the capital to expand into new markets like Russia, India, and China. Valentino has majority ownership in Hugo Boss as well as super dorky Marlboro Classics.

In case you don't know what Marlboro Classics is, imagine an entire clothing line built around the concept of modern, casual western wear. Except designed by Europeans. Most of their clothing lines look like something off of the costume rack in a Firefly episode.

The "OMG That SUX" Picture of the Day

"Collaboration" on Document Editing = Rewrite It, Bitch


In developing the previously mentioned Decision Paper for a meeting I had set up with some VPs and the CIO at my company, my boss' boss requested that I "collaborate" with him on the development of the document. Little did I know that the word "collaboration" has become office slang for "I write up a bunch of issues with a paper you create and leave the editing and interpretation to you."

The exchange went something like this:
  • Me: Please review this draft number 1.
  • Bob: I have updates. Update a, b, and c. Can you get these into the document?
  • Me: I have updated. Please review this draft number 2. Feel free to update within the document itself using change tracking.
  • Bob: Looks good. I have some more updates: d, e, and f. We'll see how it all looks in the next iteration of the document. (Note to reader: for those of you that don't work in bureaucracies, corporate communication has become more akin to printing textbooks.)
  • Me: I have updated. Please review this draft number 3. I have interpreted your grammatically-incorrect, half-complete, typographical error-prone sentences and updated the document, which you could have done yourself in the first place, since you are the only editor. Congratulations - you have effectively wasted half of my day.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Office Pools


I was just reading a blog entry about what office workers create betting pools on. The responses to the entry were:
  • "O.J. Trial"
  • "Lottery"
  • "Births (Baby Pools)"
  • "Survivor"
  • "Pick a winner on Survivor, Pregnancy Pool, just about anything"
  • "Lottery"
I laughed at how innocent the entries seemed to be. At my company, the pools are more like:
  • Number of weeks until the C-(insert your own C-level executive) resigns
  • Mean time between organizational direction shifts
  • Date of the next angry employee resignation letter sent to bcc: "Entire Freaking Company"
  • Number of degrees of (hierarchical) separation between you and the CEO (highest # wins at end of the year)
  • Mean number of emails sent daily
  • Highest number of emails marked "unread" at end of year
I've also started to think about starting a global bingo game where employees would send $5 daily through PayPal to a server in Jamaica. The game would consist of a 5x5 square, populated with random events as predicted a week in the future. For example, some squares might include:
  • Stock market breaks 15,000
  • New York Times front-page headline uses word "Iraq"
  • Apple announces layoffs
  • Hillary Clinton announces she did not have sexual relations with Obama
The squares would be randomized and auto-populated based on events during the day. Winners would be paid the payout, divided evenly by the number of winners. The squares would change daily and any pot not claimed would be rolled over into the next day (minus daily maintenance fees, of course). There could also be a last-minute buy-in where users who are only waiting on 1 square to claim "bingo" could buy a new (randomized) square if they are doubtful their square will happen.

If you can't find me in the next few years, look for me in
Zihuatanejo, sanding a boat, and looking very tan.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

You know when you're in a bureaucracy when...

You have a Word template for something called a "Decision Paper". These documents need to be submitted in advance of the meeting you are about to have, or else the meeting doesn't happen. Here is the body of the document:

DECISION PAPER TEMPLATE


DIVISION/UNIT

DATE

FOR

SUBJECT:

PURPOSE: In one precise sentence, state the issue or problem being addressed and what you want the decision maker to do.

RECOMMENDATION: What decision is wanted or required? Quantify dollars, resource levels (internal and external), and equipment, if involved. Clearly state desired decision.

ASSUMPTIONS:

a. State assumptions, i.e., it is assumed that current funding levels will remain constant.

b. If there are no assumptions, state, "none."

BACKGROUND: Provide a brief background of the issue or problem. Describe the situation requiring a decision, and explain why the specific recommendation was chosen. Include the current status of the issue or problem.

RATIONALE FOR RECOMMENDATION: The assumptions, if any and facts should support the recommendation

IMPACT OF SUCCESS OR FAILURE: State the results of putting and not putting the recommendation into action.

COORDINATION: If coordination is not required, state, "not required." Write the name and organization of the person with whom coordination was made, the date, and whether there was concurrence or nonconcurrence of the recommendation.

APPROVED ___ DISAPPROVED ___ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION REQUIRED ___

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Monday, May 07, 2007

Did you know this?


Anyone remember Yannick Noah? I sure do. Tennis player extraordinaire. But big-time French singer?! I have to seriously get with the times.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

A Tennis McBLT


What sports enthusiast hasn't wondered if they could pair two great sports legends - in their own respective environments - against each other? Here's a recap from an amusing Rafael Nadal vs. Roger Federer half clay-half grass exhibition tennis match.

Up next:

Saturday, May 05, 2007

If you're in the US today, go get a comic book


Today is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY. Go out and restart someone's interest in comics and graphic novels - including yourself! I had forgotten how enjoyable well-drawn comics were until I was in B. Dalton looking for birthday cards and spotted a copy of the Superman: Emperor Joker graphic novel and began flipping through it.

The quality of drawing in comics and graphic novels these days is a quantum leap compared to the grainy, heavy-outlined figures from my brother's tattered copy of the first XMen that I grew up flipping through (BTW, whatever happened to that random snowball-throwing X-Men?). Even movies these days are taking visual queues from graphic novels - take the recent spate of Alan Moore and Frank Miller movies including V for Vendetta, 300, and Sin City.

Do yourself and a favor and get a free comic. While you're at it, buy one too.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

LOLTrek



This has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a while. This is the episode of "Trouble with Tribbles" adapted to be in the LOLcat method.

How do these guys get away with this?


In China, there's an entire Bizarro Disneyland, complete with Daffy, Minnie, and Mickey. The Chinese claim that the Minnie and Mickey lookalikes are actually "cats" with "large ears". Checking out this guy's blog entry made me think of my beloved Mike Wong's in Geneva.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Total Randomness


Mr. Fastfinger at the Guitarshredshow

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Captain America Strikes Again


A doctor was arrested for assaulting a woman while he was dressed up as Captain America. In his possession at the time of his arrest was a LARGE BURRITO AND A MARIJUANA JOINT. This falls under the "Dude, WTF?" headline.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Of MILFs and Men


Since when did the word MILF become socially acceptable to say? In fact, it's become downright hip and fashionable. Great article in New York Magazine.

US Obesity causes

Great article in NYT about causes of obesity in the US.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Musings from a VA boy in China


Check out my boy's blog while he's in China here.

For those of you outside of the Chinese censor's grasp, click here for a listing of blogs on China. For a few giggles, try reading the Midwesterner in the Middle Kingdom.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Air McFlys


I know I haven't posted in a while and I feel guilty about posting about something so terribly mundane, but I can't resist!

There are underground reports of Nike releasing the shoes that were in Back to the Future - the auto-lace/light up shoes. BADASS. Where do I sign up?

Friday, April 06, 2007

Does anybody still watch this guy?


O'Reilly going off the hook on Geraldo. Ridiculous.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Swiss Gone Wild


So I guess Swiss folks do go a bit crazy. This guy got put away for 10 years for defacing a poster. Holy crap. The authorities from Berne decided not to intervene. Gee, you think? The Swiss are excellent non-interveners.


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Fool me twice...

Whoa. Canas takes the cake from Federer two times in a ROW? What is going on here?

Friday, March 23, 2007

Appomattox, VA

We are planning to have our wedding miles from where the war of Northern aggression (ahem) ended. Pictures from Spring Grove Farm in Appomattox, VA are here. BTW, the date is 06/07/08. Try to forget that.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

33% of DC Functionally Illiterate

Compared to the national average of 21%, the illiteracy rate in DC is closer to 33%. Functional illiteracy is qualified as not being able to understand thing like a bus schedule or fill out a job application.

Ridiculous when you think that across the Potomac in Arlington, Virginia you have the 82.5% of the population who has attended at least 1 year of college. The population of Arlington is 185,000 and the total functionally illiterate population in DC is 170,000. Wow, eh?

Something really sad? Really really sad?
Reported literacy in Switzerland is 99%. You saw that coming.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Can anything phase this guy?


Roger Federer lost his match at Indian Wells (7-5, 6-2) against the relative unknown Guillero Canas (who was returning to the sport after an 18-month doping ban). The dude was well on his way to breaking the 46-game winning record of Guillermo Vilas.

Canas, an Argentinian, injured his wrist in 2000 (ranked 227th) and returned in 2001 to ascend to 15th place. In a YEAR. Hmmm. He gets booted for doping in 2004 (surprise?) and returns in September of 2006 to come back and beat the Fed. Talk about a shitty way to go. The storyline doesn't even sound plausible. It almost sounds like that ridiculous General Hospital plotline where Casey Rogers was actually an alien from the planet Lumina. WTF? Where was Nadal? Where was Roddick?

And, like the son of Calvin he is, the Fed says "Sooner or later it had to happen, so it's OK. It's no problem."

John McEnroe, we miss you. Please break something.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Euro bed plan, here we come!

According to a NYTimes article, 60% of homes will have dual master bedrooms 2015, underscoring a new trend for married Americans to sleep in separate beds. Maybe the Europeans knew what they were talking about - separate beds, same room. Make the whole thing mechanical and you could still get some nookie, press a button, and hog the entire half of your own bed all night. Win-win baby, win-win.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Google iPhone killer?


Some VC posted something about a team of 100 people working on an iPhone-killer Googlephone. Is it 2 legit 2 quit?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Firefly Fix

For those of you that miss the Joss Whedon serial Firefly, there is still a glimmer of hope. Whedon announced that he will be coming out with a comic book series that will take place before the Serenity movie, but after the original Firefly episodes.

If you have no idea what Firefly is, get some education. And learn some Chinese.

Welcome to the Tardiness Support Group, America

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this post on ABC. It's amusing for a number of reasons:
  • Who the fuck calls late people "punctually-challenged"? It's almost like Microsoft has built in a euphemizer into MS Word.
  • I love how the press love to paint a picture of a "punctually-challenged" person as a victim of some chronic disease and associate it with anxiety. Is there going to be a pill for this one too? I can almost picture the 1am informercial...
  • Why don't they mention the fact that some people don't care? I think since my return to the US, I've been the first person or on time to meetings for around 10% of my meetings.
  • Note that the article doesn't mention other countries. Try having a meeting on time in Italy, for God's sake. Or at 1pm in Switzerland. Good luck.

Swiss, Kicking Green Ass Again

A Migros store in Switzerland has become the first store to fully light the store with light emitting diodes (LED).

In 2005, the Department of Energy has estimated that LED lighting could cut national energy consumption for lighting in the US by 29% by 2025. The total savings on U.S. household electric bills until then would be $125 billion.

Keep an eye on the renamed GE LED unit and their partnership with Nichia. What's cool? Nichia has developed a UV LED.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Boulder, Colorado


Boulder is one of those cities where you give way to your inner hippie, but need to remember to zip your American Express into your wicking hiking shorts. The city would be a wicked imitation of an urbanized European alpine town if there weren't so many damn California license plates and pickup trucks. Nontheless, you can have a pretty good time in Boulder and I find that my heart rate seems to drop a bit when you can see a treeless horizon. A few notes:
  • Hotel Boulderado. If you can afford it or paying with the corporate plastic, a rockin' place in the heart of downtown with a great Wednesday night music.
  • Aji on Pearl Street. A great Latin restaurant with killer steak. Highly recommend the Filet of the House.
  • Fat Tire. Okay, so not really Boulder, but Colorado nonetheless.
  • Berthoud. I can't explain my fascination with this town - maybe because it has one of the few A&Ws that know of. Berthoud is a tiny little town that used to be on the main drag between Loveland and Boulder. Thanks to city planning, the major road (CO 287) is routed around it.
  • Boulder Baked Cookies. During a pre-college summer session at CU, I learned how to climb the outside of Farrand Hall to get into the unoccupied killer apartments on the top floor, sneak kegs into dorms, and eat cookies at 1am. Boulder Baked Cookies has a service that runs from 6pm to 1am and delivers hot, fresh cookies to you with milk. You can't beat it and, for the life of me, I have no idea why no other college cities don't have these.
  • Getting a kick out of the house costs for a 4BR 2.5BA house in Boulder that sold for $2.1M.
  • My one regret? Missing the John Butler Trio at the Fox.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

How to be famous in Switzerland













  • Have headshots made up
  • Purchase Adobe Photoshop and mock up an advertisement
  • Modify shots and slap a Gucci brand on it
  • Contact Swiss newspaper to run ads
  • Have newspaper send bill to Gucci
  • Move to Sweden and gloat to your friends


    Winner of the Un-PC Award

    Overheard on a crowded DC (mixed population) bus:
    • White 20something woman: "I don't know why Luke applied to Howard (University) law school. I told him that it might be a stigma on his resume and all."
    • Responder: (Obviously asking the question we are all asking ourselves right now).
    • White 20something woman: "Well, you know - employers might think he's black or something and wouldn't want to hire you."

    And these are the same Coach-bag wearing, macchiato-drinking yuppies that wonder why racism is getting worse.

    Monday, February 26, 2007

    Mea culpa y'all

    The state of Virginia just issued a formal apology for enslaving millions of Africans and exploiting Native Americans. They are apparently using the same PR firm that the Vatican hired for apologies. Galileo was unreachable for comment.

    Friday, February 23, 2007

    Now we know why Swiss cheese is so damn good...

    Switzerland's Agriculture Ministry has called on the country's farmers to stop feeding their cows cannabis. Swiss farmers consider the crop a cheap and easy to grow plant for their cows. They believe that THC "makes cows happy and produce more milk".

    Goats in Switzerland were unavailable for comment but overheard to say, "Freakin' hippies."

    Americans Hate Money


    Large bills, that is. I presented a $100 bill to a 7-Eleven clerk and almost had to call 911 because I thought she might flip out. She was looking at the bill like it was foreign currency and didn't compute. It's something that the Swiss don't seem to blink at - the presentation of god-awfully large bills that force the clerks to use up the entire till's worth of change.

    Friday, February 16, 2007

    Fist Bumpin' with the Oldies

    Since when did the fist-bump become so ubiquitous that elderly immigrant men started doing it? I just got a fist bump from the 68-year old Lebanese guy that runs the cafeteria in my building. I know that Budweiser mocked it during the Superbowl, but aw hell - it's just plain awkward now.

    Celebrating the One Year

    Today, February 16, I am celebrating the one-year anniversary of traveling to the land of milk and cheese. With that in mind, I proclaim February 16 as Fondue Day. So go get your beat-ass wedding registry fondue set out of storage, get some gruyere, and cheese it out.


    Wednesday, February 14, 2007

    It sucks to be a kid in the US

    American and British youngsters have a more troublesome childhood than their European counterparts, according to a United Nations study presented in Berlin on Wednesday. They're poorer, get on worse with their parents and take more risks. In comparison with children living in other rich countries, those growing up in the USA and the UK have the lowest quality of life, the study says.

    Drinking baby in Ireland was unavailable for comment.



    Friday, February 09, 2007

    They are among us

    The number of the Swiss living abroad is growing constantly and now exceeds 645,000, the foreign ministry revealed on Thursday. If the guy next to you on the metro offers you his seat, he just might be Swiss.

    Bootstrapper Bat-Utility Belt

    Entrepreneur? Great post on web apps that can help you out here. Mind the "fad"-y appeal to a lot of these sites (e.g., LinkedIn), but lots of good tools nonetheless.

    Bad Ass GUI

    Remember that random video from a TED conference presenting a wicked touch-screen GUI? Well, it looks like they've modded it into a fully-functional user interface. Take a look here.

    Cowboy Up

    Trying to get back on the horse is hard as hell. After beating up myself over having ignored my beloved Bonheursuisse like a new puppy a week after Christmas, I've undertaken a personal challenge to keep this site alive and quasi-interesting. I'll attempt to post at least an interesting comment or link once every other day. Humor might be spartan. Just have to warn you.

    Saturday, January 06, 2007

    Happy New Year!


    Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2007!

    Happy new year!

    Friday, December 22, 2006

    It's all about US

    Scanning the radio and TV is a frustrating exercise in Virginia. The most striking thing is that all of the stories are purely focused on domestic issues - inane issues at that. A sampling of issues that have won the headlines in the US:
    • Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump on the handling of the Miss USA drunkenness scandal.
    • Deep fried turkey party causes labor dispute at Dulles International Airport.
    Admittedly, Geneva had its share of inane issues that seem to still be smoldering, but for the most part, the majority of coverage seems to be on international issues that tend to be more weighty. A recent notable exception is on SwissInfo and covers the Swiss Navy. Yes. Swiss Navy. Play the video for Miami Vice lushiousness.

    Thursday, December 14, 2006

    One month report card

    It's been a little over one month since my return to the states, and it's time for a checkup.

    Returning to work.............................F
    Being back with my honey.................A+
    Traffic jams....................................D
    American coffee...............................C
    American "baguette".........................D
    Getting a king sized bed....................A
    Being subjected to "Greys Anatomy"....C-
    New versions of "Family Guy".............B+
    Looking forward to TV shows.............F
    Reading Le Matin online jealously........B
    Eating Hersheys..............................C

    Wednesday, November 22, 2006

    Something you won't see around the DC beltway

    Crazy video of ski-paragliding down the Eiger in Switzerland.

    Saturday, November 18, 2006

    Most Annoying Questions, Ever

    It's hard to tell, with Americans, earnest curiousity from polite courteousness. Upon seeing some friends or colleagues for the first time in months, it seems that not enough thought is put into assembling thought-provoking questions. Here are the top three most annoying questions:
    • "How was it?"
      • This is so fantastically open-ended, it's hard to know where to start. My responses have ranged from "awesome" to "a great growth experience". My selection of response usually depends on how jealous or upset the person will become if I were to say, "That trip was so crunk that even Snoop Dogg is going to be talking about missing out for years to come."
    • "Did you have a great time?"
      • "No. Terrible. Tan and weight loss do not suit me. I am elated to be back on soil of Glorious Leader Bush."
    • "How was Sweden?

    Saturday, November 11, 2006

    Democrats in da Hiz-ouse


    On Nov. 7, I dragged myself out of work and to the polling stations to cast my vote in, among other races, the Virginia Senatorial race between George Allen and Jim Webb.

    I'm proud enough to say that my vote was, hopefully, one of the 7200 votes that separated the winning Webb (D) from our good buddy George Macaca Allen (R).

    Friday, November 10, 2006

    Post Travel Bed-Bound Blues

    I'm sick. Two days ago, my throat felt like it went on vacation and left a small wolverine as its substitute. Today, the wolverine has chosen to lodge itself behind my left tonsil. Just about every swallow is painful.

    According to Duke Health, the chance of illness for a one-month international trip is 60-70%. Since I caught two colds back to back upon arriving in Geneva, I thought I had paid my dues. Not so lucky.

    I am really lacking the ability to be objective about my experiences back in US since everything is tainted by my general grumpiness about being sick. It's like seeing things through puke-colored glasses.

    Adjusting to the lifestyle of the car is something that I still am terribly remorseful about. Although I remember sweating and complaining to myself in those first few weeks in Switzerland, the bus / walk lifestyle is more rewarding. Sitting in a 3-5 mile stretch of gridlock on 395, I started to think back to the "traffic jams" in downtown Geneva that usually stretched for 3-5 blocks and almost pulled to the shoulder and walked home.

    For the first week back, I have to say that the increased dependency on cars is the first thing I noticed.

    Monday, November 06, 2006

    The Replacement

    During the heavy losses in WWII, replacements were brought in to fill the gaps in the squads. The situation that I find myself in is no different.

    I'm witnessing the slow defeat of our IT division through the grinding, often agonizing reorganization that they've been undergoing for the past eight months (while I have been abroad). The reorg has ground down some of the most experienced and talented minds that kept the organization running - and we are starting to lose them. The story is nothing unique to other organizations that have underwent terrible reorgs.

    It's tough being the fresh-faced quasi-noob, newly off the plane from Switzerland and placed in a squadron of grizzled veterans who have seen hell. The reorg, by all accounts, has not been successful and it isn't nearly complete. The conversations I've had with all of my old colleagues has reminded me of a paradox that I learned of in project management training.

    The Abilene Paradox is a paradox in which the limits of a particular situation force a group of people to act in a way that is directly the opposite of their actual preferences. It is a phenomenon that occurs when groups continue with misguided activities which no group member desires because no member is willing to raise objections. The reorganization, despite quiet objections from small groups of holdouts in the department, has become an example of the Abilene Paradox.

    Being the fresh-face, I'm trying to keep my head low, learn what happened from the vets, and see if there's a way for all of us to get out of this war.

    Sunday, November 05, 2006

    Back in the saddle

    I'm three days new to this awkward timezone and still don't feel like I'm any where near getting adjusted. Jumping right back into work is also something that I don't really recommend to anyone not prepared to deal with the onslaught of curious coworkers who are the equivalent of stick-wielding children at the zoo.

    The flight itself wasn't terrible, with the notable exception of being treated like a shiv-carrying prisoner at the Frankfurt airport. I did everything except the cheek-spread, sack-lift in that freaking airport security line.

    What is the hardest, most immediate adjustment for me in the past 3 days? It's that I'm back behind the wheel of a wheeled, armored beast, standing in traffic and losing 30-40 minute stretches of my life as I scan the airwaves for something other than talk radio and smooth jazz. Coworkers look different, work seems to have become twice as stressful for them, and everyone I see has an air of pessimism about them. The upside for them? At least they can now stress out in casual clothing rather than business casual.

    Tuesday, October 31, 2006

    Send Me on My Way

    The leaves are starting to fall and the colors have already started to change in the Alps. The temperature is planned to drop from 17 C (62 F) today, 11 C (51 F) tomorrow, and end the week at 7 C (44 F). It's time to go. Time to go home.
    Not that any ending is truly an ending. Like Orson Wells (that dirty old man) said, "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." And I believe, like a few of my readers, that the this story is far from ending.
    For the next few months, I will attempt to document my firey re-entry into the American culture, complete with all the difficulties of reintegration, culture, and dearth of creative gastronomic outlets.
    For those of you who think I have jumped the shark, you will be refunded your money at the end of this blog entry. Oh wait, that's right, you're reading this for your own edification. Let me edify you some more then: the story goes on bitches.
    I'm trying to learn from the lessons of other bloggers in similar situations. Daniel Ginsberg from Boston documented his struggles with American culture upon returning from Serbia earlier this year. What about lacki from New Jersey who blogs about how she hates the lack of the chill-ness of American culture vs. the Porteugese.

    Best recollecting moment from an American on their experience abroad:
    "I'm sure this happens to you a lot - you're maneuvering your manure cart down a cobblestone road when all of a sudden you realize that you've gone thirty minutes without praying. Now what? Unfortunately, it's too late for you, and your soul will burn in the fires of hell for the rest of your eternally damned afterlife. But, you should still stop by one of the local Jesus Boxes just to show your face. The little villages in Portugal are filled with Jesus Boxes, which are, as the name implies, large stone boxes filled to the brim with Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of them, and chances are you'll be struck dead by holy lightning if one of the creepy Jesus mannequins catches you swinging dead cats on a day of worship."
    See you all on the flipside.

    Soundtrack of the Day:
    Send Me on My Way. Rusted Root.

    Thursday, October 26, 2006

    Movie of the Day

    Smartest Guys in the Room. Great cautionary tale to CEOs. Interestingly enough, an awesome soundtrack too.

    Tuesday, October 24, 2006

    Global Bird Flu Epidemic = Move to Switzerland

    Swiss government approves the purchasing of 7.4 M doses of bird flu vaccine - enough to vaccinate the entire Swiss population.

    Nowhere but Switzerland

    So Nestle tried to repackage one of their brands, Callier, to make it sexier. Here's an article in swissinfo.ch that I find remarkable for a few reasons:
    • The CEO has cancer and Nestle expects her to come back and turnaround operations on the failing brand.
    • A Swiss supermarket chain decided to stop stocking Callier because of the price increases.
    • Complaints about the packaging having too much unrecyclable content were noticed.

    Why European Best Westerns Aren't Synonymous with Plastic Ice Buckets

    THE FOLLOWING IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT*

    Through my travels over the past 8 months, I've noted that going to a Best Western in Prague is not the same as visiting the BW Hitching Post Inn in Cheyenne, Wyoming. In fact, most Best Westerns in Europe seem to exceed the standards that I've come to expect from the world's largest buyer of plastic ice buckets, cellophane-wrapped plastic cups, and bolted-down TV remote controls.

    BW's European growth plan is centered on a simple idea: buy independently-owned hotels in good target locations and gateways that seek brand affiliation. In my experience with the hotels in Europe, it's worked. In the end, you get a good hotel room in a great location for an okay price. Leveraging services like online booking also kicks the pants off of other European competitors who are slow to adopt Internet standards.
    * However, anyone can feel free to pay me at any time.

    Monday, October 23, 2006

    Idea of the Day

    Choose Your Own Adventure: Podcast Web 2.0 Remix
    • Each story starts with a podcast "stub" that is a small intro to a story, posted online. Users can also propose their own "stubs".
    • Users post a podcast response to the stub, where the subject heading is a decision that the reader must make. For example: "To go down the unlit stairwell, click here." The story would continue and the user would record their own story lines and plot twists. For example: "After walking down the unlit stairwell, you open the door that leads to a gigantic underground repository for Hugh Hefner's Viagara stash..."
    • Users can continue to post altnerate decisions to the original stub or add a new "chapter" to an existing podcast response. A visual "tree" diagram would allow users to see new postings and decision points.
    • Users would vote on story "threads" (i.e., a string of podcast responses from various users strung together) and individual podcasts.

    Swiss Mental Illness: Underreported?

    Call it a hunch, but I think that the number of mentally ill people in Switzerland is underreported. Maybe its a combination of culture and social tolerance of odd behavior. Then again, maybe it was just the urine stench coming from the guy next to me on the bus.

    Bern, Switzerland - YouTube Comments Remix

    SwissDeutsch112 (Last week)
    Bern is like a Swiss city middle child: not cool enough to be Zurich, not enough hotties to be Lausanne, and not enough brainy ex pats to be Geneva.

    <3tomcruise<3 (2 weeks ago)
    On Saturdays, check out the "stress tests" that are offered by the Scientology tents in the Baernplatz Farmer's Market. Just knowing that L. Ron Hubbard can reach beyond Southern California is stressful.

    WokWhacker (3 weeks ago)
    OMG, did anyone check out the totally hot chicks outside of Lorinzini's or Liquid? Who came up with the name Kornhaus or Rathaus anyways?

    PamAnderson3 (4 weeks ago)
    I will flash you if you let those bears out of that damn pit!

    Flickr pics are here.

    Sunday, October 22, 2006

    The World is Flat and Stressed Out

    Contrary to what many companies may think, a stressed out worker is a less productive worker. And it's costing American business billions. The cost of stress to American business is staggering, with estimates ranging from $80 billion to $150 billion annually. Stress causes illnesses, absenteeism, diminished productivity, accidents, mistakes, job dissatisfaction, burnout, high turnover, and soaring health insurance premiums. Link to October 22, 2006 article here.

    Americans aren't the only ones. Workers around the world are feeling the crunch. But there does seem to be a vacation : stress correlation as pointed out in the Grant-Thornton paper. In Asia, they're calling it a stress "epidemic".

    Although Europeans also saw a stress increase in 2005, they're nowhere near as stressed as the Asian countries.

    Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: American Foreign Policy Defense

    On more than one occasion, I've found myself in the middle of heated or mildly uncomfortable discussions about American foreign policy. These conversations are sometimes played out by the Swiss (or ex pats) in a good cop / bad cop routine. Through a bit of trial-and-error, I've found a way to steer the conversation topic towards a subject that most people in Geneva all agree on: that Geneva is a great place to live.

    Now there is "objective" research that's been done on this, but no where is it more apparent than when you get any large-ish group of people together. Like a faint din that crescendos into a trumpet blaring in your ear, you can almost predict that at some point in the conversation people will begin to coo in unison about how wonderful the city is - almost like some strange group orgy with verbal rubbing.

    Use my trick to shift any uncomfortable conversation topic towards a well-agreed topic. I've inserted xml tags for added effect (here replaced by the [] brackets thanks to Blogger).


    • Inquisitor 1: "What do you think about George Bush?"
    • Ben: [sweat][fidget]
    • Inquisitor 2: "That's not very fair question."
    • Ben: [/sweat][/fidget][skeptically look at person]
    • Inquisitor 2: "What do you think about the war for oil, global warming, or the North Korean situation?"
    • Ben: [crap][run script src = Phil Hartman's Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer] "I'm just an IT geek. American foreign policy frightens and confuses me! Sometimes all the news coverage on global warming makes me want to get out of my SUV and run off into the hills. My IT-oriented mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like me comes to Geneva, you can't help but admire this city for being so clean, close to nature and the Alps, and all within a few minutes flight of the most stunning cities in Western Europe." [/crap][begin nervous shifty eyes]
    • Inquisitor 1: "Ben's words are true. I love Geneva."
    • Inquisitor 2: "Yes. We all love Geneva. Let's have another drink."

    Saturday, October 21, 2006

    Swiss Made

    Synonymous with quality and reliability, the “Swiss Made” label is a much sought-after label in watchmaking. The official definition of its use actually allows some watches to be sold as “Swiss,” when they are actually not completely so. How, you ask?

    In 1992, a modified ordinance defined the usage of the "Swiss", "Swiss Made", and "Made in Switzerland" designations. A watch is considered Swiss if:

    • the movement is Swiss (see below);
    • the movement is fitted in Switzerland; and
    • the final manufacturing control takes place in Switzerland

    A movement is considered Swiss if:


    • it is assembled in Switzerland;
    • controlled by the manufacturer in Switzerland; and
    • at least 50% of the value of its components are produced in Switzerland, not including the assembly costs.

    So other components can come from elsewhere - dial, hands, case and bracelet. The definition of “Swiss Made” does not enjoy unanimous support within the profession. Many regret that brands whose components are all, or almost all, made in Switzerland should be treated in the same way as those who observe only the legal minimum. What about the 50% rule? How should these be calculated? How can they be controlled? The ordinance spells out certain rules, but considering the differences in costs for materials and labor between Switzerland and abroad, can one really establish whether or not whether the “majority” of a movement is made in Switzerland? Some are demanding even stricter prescriptions, which should also include the watch exterior components.

    So next time you buy a watch, look closely. Link to official FTC papers are here.

    Ridiculous European Airfares

    Enter another competitor to the world of low-cost, uber-small, European airlines: Clickair.

    Ridiculously low fares: their inaugural airfare to Barcelona from Geneva was 5 Euro.

    Ben Harper - Geneva

    Went to the Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals concert last night and had a blast. The opening act was a guy named William White, a relative unknown in my book but apparently from Switzerland (.ch domain). He had a few good acoustic songs, but overall was not impressive. The funniest thing was that he would have these long stories in English, but neglected to remember that he was addressing a predominantly French-speaking crowd. On top of that, he spoke like Bob Marley - talk about a confused crowd.

    Ben rocked. He opened up with "With My Own Two Hands" and was on a roll from there. His set had a few too many slow songs in it for my preference and I found myself occupying the time by drinking one too many beers with my buddy during the ballads. He never got into "Burn One Down", one of my favorites, but did end with his new-ish hit single, "Better Way".

    First it was songs, then it was lyrics. Now it's tabulatures. The RIAA is going after anyone that posts tabs online and it has more than scared a few off the Internet. Ben is one of the few artists that are providing links to tabulature on his website for free. Go Ben!

    My ears still ring, my voice is still hoarse, and my back hurts from standing all night. But it was well worth it.

    Soundtrack of the Day:

    Hockey, Part Deux

    I scored tickets to another Geneva hockey game, only to watch the brave Geneva Eagles get their ass handed to them by Fribourg, another French-Swiss team. The score wound up being 1-7, but yours truly was headed for the doors by 0-5.

    The game wasn't much to watch, but an errant puck made me laugh at how I had forgotten I was in Switzerland: a shot against the Fribourg goalie popped up after hitting someone in the shoulder and flew over the glass. As is customary, most young boys 8-12 years old went running for it Chariots of Fire-style. The security guard got to it first and the next closest child looked at him with puppy-dog eyes. The guard whispered something to the boy, the boy nodded, and the guard handed him the puck - which went immediately into the boy's pocket with no pomp, no circumstance, no grandstanding. He boy quietly walked back to his seat, patting the puck in his pocket in silent celebration.

    This behavior struck me as being terribly Swiss. The attitude of "even if you got it, don't flaunt it" pervades even the celebration that is reserved for the most cherished of childhood achievements: the pop fly.